A Grave Situation

I have long been impressed by an American epitaph, apparently engraved on the poor woman’s gravestone. It struck me so much that I can recite it even today:

Here lies the body of Mary Anne Lowder
Who burst whilst drinking a Seidlitz Powder
Laid in this grave to her heavenly rest
She should have waited ‘till it effervesced

It's TRUE. I swear to God.

Well, now I’ve found a better one. Well, Sarah actually found it. But how’s this for your last earthly inscription:

Beneath in the dust,
the mouldy old crust
Of Moll Batchelor late was shoven
Who was skilled in the arts of pyes, custards and tarts
And every device of the oven.
When she’d lived long enough, she made her last puff
A puff by husband much praised
And here she doth lie and makes a dirt pye
In hopes that her crust may be raised.

It is to be hoped that Moll didn’t succumb to one of her own pies. Both inscriptions are perfectly genuine, apparently, and are sourced.

As we’re on the subject of being amused whilst dying, the ‘best epitaph of all time’ award still goes to comedian Spike Milligan, whose gravestone reads, in Irish: Duirt me leat go raibh me breoit

“I told you I was ill.”

The fact that it's my birthday tomorrow has NOT influenced the subject of this post... >;0)