Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Late

Better late than never, they say... With profuse apologies for my tardiness this week, here is another smattering of little literary jewels from the strange and wonderful pen of K. Malik, author of 1111 Letters for Every Occasion, the guide to brilliant correspondence that is brought to us by New Light Publishers of New Delhi.


Response to Notices
Government notices bring forth a bumper harvest of replies. Your letters must be attractive enough to catch the eye, otherwise it is a labour of love gone-down the drain.

Paying Income Tax
With reference to your public notice in the national press, enclosed herewith is the receipted challan for payment of advance tax.

Freedom Fighters
Is it necessary that a man should have to go to jail in order to qualify as a freedom fighter!
I fought for freedom by writing a book against the British every month during the Quit India Movement. Am I not a freedom-fighter?


To,
The Maharashtra Emporium
New Delhi
Dear Sir
Kindly send me some of your fashion tips for my old wife who is becoming so unfashionable that I am being driven from pillar to post in the Delhi University campus looking for a modern wife.


Free Literature
Kindly supply me free literature for the eradication of malaria in my locality.

Positive Reply
We have the honour to send you herewith literature for the eradication of malaria as desired by you.

Negative Reply
We have run out of stock of literature on eradication of malaria.
It appears as if the mosquitoes have eaten or flown away the books against them!

Next week: Letters of Complaint

1 comment:

Ammouni said...

A book each month against the British?? can we track down these books? they can be handy.

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