As you may be aware, I (like many other people with blogs) do like to occasionally amuse myself by taking a peek at the strange searches that led various people to swing by this dank and cobwebby corner of the Internet.
People do search for such very strange things. Thanks to the arcane and mysterious illuminati of Google, some of the strangest searches rank this silly little blog as a world leading authority on some very random things indeed. But then people are looking for some wacky things, too...
Fake windscreen crack
There really are some pranksters out there, aren’t there? What a hoot, eh? Just add this simple plastic crack decal to your friend’s windshield and then watch his horrified face as he contemplates the $500 bill to replace it! Good grief. Not available here...
The Stranglers in Dubai
Yayyy! October 3rd! Not a strange search, but certainly a result!
This was a picture search. Strange people! I do like ‘twisted chicken’, though – a chicken rendered cynical and vengeful by a lifetime of failure and frustration or a fowl smashed on an insane cocktail of Bacardi Breezers, amyl nitrate and veterinary strength Quaaludes?
Fakhreddine restaurant Amman
I remain amazed that searches for this most revered and excellent of Arabic restaurants, famed throughout Jordan and, indeed, the whole region still lead to Mr Daft’s Blog. Damn!
And if that’s not bad enough, another top 20 search result is that pesky Fat Expat!
Look, I give up. It’s strictly against the rulebook of this blog, but I feel guilty about this one. Here’s some useful information:
Tel: 4652399 / fax: 4641792
Tel: 5515419 / fax: 5535170
Was Lawrence buggered by Turks?
How’s that for a result? Admittedly you have to search through five pages of sites that aren’t nearly as authoritative as this one, but someone not only did that but actually clicked on the link here, too! No answers here, of course, just some silliness. Damn!
Under the sink tap mineralisation
The winter nights must simply fly by, no?
Ramadan at Al Awir Central Jail
I still don't know how they got here...
Non-animal enzyme powdered cheese
Apparently this blog is the fourth most definitive place in the world for people searching for non-animal enzyme powdered cheese. Which I take as an enormous and deeply strange compliment!
du du du dah dah dah
Imagine – you think you’re about to get the lyrics of the Police’s slightly nonsensical single or even a sneaky MP3 or two and all you get is me whingeing about telephone companies in the UAE. Damn!
"All my thoughts and fancies are concentrated on you"
Isn’t that the oddest collection of words to search the Internet for? What’s more, all your search results are concentrated on this post, too – all one of them!!!
Less strange, but still possibly interesting:
Russian girls Dubai
A long time ago I wrote about a Russian girl called Alla Khrapovitskaya, who had been horrifically attacked in Satwa. Ever since, I’ve been picking up searches for all sorts of Slavic peccadilloes and some unpleasant searches which came here because of the description of the nature of the attack. And no, I’m not repeating the words again.
Chelmsford Club New Delhi
You want to become a member of the poshest, most ‘back in the Raj’ style club in new Delhi and so you look for it on the Internet. And all you get is me having a laugh. Damn!
Much to my delight, having slagged them off mildly last year for a daft promotional campaign that saw tens of thousands of puzzled Gulf News readers in receipt of a small, black and (as I subsequently proved) utterly useless stone, when you search ‘em you still get me hanging out of a tree, hooting and throwing nuts. Damn!
And finally... searches that actually worked!
5p bag m&s customer reaction
A top ten search result – this leads to my grumpy post complaining about Marks and Spencers’ £12 million greenwash. And I am glad.
For some reason people have actually been searching for the ‘Du test’, as well!
I’m delighted to say that if you search Aquafina UAE or Aquafina TDS or many other things Aquafina, you get to my less than complimentary posts about that insidiously augmented bottled water product. Added to that, a lot of people have searched for various things related to consumer concerns about Pringles and, I hope, found some pertinent information here. At least one should aspire to being occasionally useful rather than purely frivolous, no?