Image via WikipediaI’m touched and humbled by the number of people around the world that care about me and have me in mind. There are literally thousands of them, and many get in touch every day.
There are the people that want to help me improve my love life and also the many people who want to make me thicker (although I am already quite stupid); the people who want to give me money in any number of ways – I am always particularly touched by the Nigerian ladies repatriating money who want to share it with me, but also the former members of US forces in Iraq – war heroes who still have time to spare me a thought in their plans to exfiltrate gold. Then there are the people who want to help me to get cheap meds, I never seem to find the time to thank them but point out that I’m not actually ill right now – it’s nice of them to think of me though.
A lot of people want to make me harder, but I’m too old to start kickboxing lessons. As for those that want to make me stronger and longer, I feel like thanking them but pointing out that I’m quite pleased with my current shape, although I could do with losing a few pounds if I’m totally honest. Sadly, I don’t want a Rolex, although lots of people seem to think it would set me off really nicely. As for the many offers I get that will help me make women moan, I find that forgetting to call my mum works fine, as does keeping a paper tissue in my trousers when I pop them into the wash.
I actually feel a little guilty that so many people care and get in touch to share their thoughts, but I am really bad at getting back to them and saying thanks. Outlook puts many of them in a special folder so I can reply to them all, but I keep deleting it by mistake.
The people I really, really appreciate getting in touch, however, are those lovely chaps and chapesses at Telco Extraordinaire Etisalat. I love when they think of me and offer me things over my telephone. Especially when I get up and cross the room to see who has sent me an urgent message and am delighted, instead, to get a picture message telling me to get an iPhone or call Lanzarote between 4 and 6am for half price every Monday for the next cycle of the moon.
So many people to thank. I only wish I could do it in person...