Sunday, 3 June 2012

Shiny Happy ID Card

Day 70 - Marmoset
Day 70 - Marmoset (Photo credit: zzathras777)
"Hi. I'm here to apply for my Shiny ID card."
"Have you filled in the form using the online application application?"
"Well, you have to do that."
"Can I just not apply here?"
"Yes. As of yesterday you can apply here, but not tomorrow."
"So why did you tell me I had to do an online application application?"
"The requirement for an online application application applies to online applications."
"So what do I do?"
"Join that long, shuffling queue of listless people there."
"The one headed for the door marked "Nowhere"?
"That's the one. Do you have three photographs of yourself countersigned by a marmoset?"
"No. I was hoping you'd tell me what I'd need as the website is very confusing and changes every day."
"You'll need those pretty sharpish, there's a deadline you know."
"What is it?"
"But there's no point in me applying then!"
"Yes there is, you'll incur fines of Dhs25 a day to a maximum of Dhs1,000. That'll be Dhs25 please."
"What for?"
"Your first day's fines."

"Okay, here we are. Three photographs countersigned by a marmoset."
"Don't be silly, marmosets can't write. We changed that requirement oh, at least an hour ago."
"Just take them. What else do you need?"
"Your passport, passport copy, visa, visa copy and the online application printed out. Two copies of a copy of your copy copy and three pinches of peppermint snuff."
"There we go!"
"Right. Join that queue then. You've got plenty of time."
"I thought there was a deadline?"
"It got extended again."
"So what happens now?"
"Join the queue. At the end of the queue is a man who'll send you to another queue."
"Can't I just join the other queue straight away?"
"No. There's a system."

"Okay, I've queued for hours, punched and stamped my papers, I've been bioscanned and now I've finally got the card. What can I use it for?"
*blank look*

Amazing backstory linked here.
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A.T.H. Webber said...

Ah the old line to get in to a line thing.

A couple of years a go I (as we all have to) had to go and have my medical clearance performed.

I arrived at the medical-clearance-emporium and seeing a shuffling line spilling out the door I decided it would be prudent to join in.

Community spirit and all that.

I will admit to being Ninja-ed a couple of time by folk far better than me walking to the front of the line and demanding to have their papers inspected immediately. But I had time, and was enjoying the 'cultural absorbtion' of a new country.

Finally I had my papers checked and was handed a number. Through the door next to the over-worked-paper-inspection-guy's desk was a waiting room that appeared to have a numberin system in place. So I made my way there...

..and was stopped by a door-guy. I explained I already had a number (showing the proof of same) and that he needn't bother with me, and perhaps he should be more concerned with the 8 guys who walked around him while he was dealing with me.

His reply?
"This is not a number for the waiting room, this is a number for waiting to get a number"

"So I have to get a number in order to line up to get a number... is that correct?"


"You don't see a problem with that?"


"This is a time number isn't it, should I come back at 1105?"


"Need anything from the cafeteria? Some tepid instant coffee, maybe a 3 day old sandwich"


"I'll be going then"

Seabee said...

Dealing with Gulf bureaucracy is like living a Monty Python sketch isn't it.

These things have to be done, you're fined if you dont do them...but they're not actually for anything.

No-one accepts the ID card as proof of identity, it's still the old passport/visa/photo that everyone demands.

You have to have one but it's totally useless.

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