Thursday, 18 May 2017

Roger The Radar Rotter

Zoom and Bored
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Roger the Radar Rotter generally lurks around the Sharjah University City area. His favourite places are the roads around the AUS campus, the back road that tracks along the landfill from the logistics center to the roundabout by Sharjah English School and the Middle Road from the Mileiha Road up to the 311. Oh! And also on the stretch of Middle Road just beyond the 311 turnoff towards Sharjah City.

He's more Wile E. Coyote than most. He likes to hide his little portable radar behind a lamp post and then drive a few hundred yards up the road and lurk, no doubt giggling softly to himself and drooling, waiting for the flashes to go off.

Knowing full well that we skittish victims can sniff he's around when he parks up, he often hides the car. This means the wary are rewarded with glimpses of cars parked in odd places as more trusting souls trigger the cheery 'pop' of the radar followed by the inevitable 'cherching' of the Sharjah Police cash register.

It's an expensive game these days: they've just put the fines up. So why speed at all? You ask, in all sensibility.

Well, the reason Roger has quite so much fun with his sneaky tricks is he likes to pick roads that have insane 60kph limits on them. The roads around the University are, for instance, long and straight and have two lanes. They are nowhere near any crossings or habitation, just long tarmac stretches running along outside the high campus walls. The UAE, very sensibly IMHO, has a 'grace limit' of 20kph above the actual speed limit, so you can travel a maximum 80kph on these roads. Nudge it just 1 kilo above it when Roger's around and POW you're toast, bub.

The wee back road behind Sharjah English is a long straight line of blacktop running along a fence and surrounded by scrubland. The low speed limits make the drive interminably frustrating and the old speedometer does rather tend to sneak up a little. And then you spot, out of the corner of your eye, a glint of something out of place. Slow down, pass by regally and breathe a little sigh of relief as Roger sits in his hidden car, shaking his fists and snarling, 'Damn you McNabb!'

The other day I was driving thusly, overtaking a very slow lorry on the road behind SES. I had spotted Roger's car on the hard shoulder ahead and was taking things easy, when I get some spotty Herbert in an FJ giving it socks on the flashers and horn behind me. With a resigned sigh I pulled in beyond the front of the lorry and moderated my speed.

With satanic glee, I watched my tormentor speed past me, honouring me with a great display of shade thrown sideways as he hit the throttle to let me know one of us was a real man with a real right foot and the other a sissy rated by all and sundry as less than zero.

Boom!

Tisshhhh...

I felt a little like Elric of MelnibonĂ©, Michael Moorcock's anti-hero whose sword feasts on souls and passes a little of the energy to its tragic albino* wielder.

For I had given Roger the soul he craved but the benefit, my precioussss, was mine, all mine...

*Apparently these days we're supposed to say 'person of albinism' but frankly, my dear...

Monday, 15 May 2017

Virus Attack Shock Horror. Don't Say I Didn't Tell Y'all...

A typical server "rack", commonly se...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
About 16 years ago, prescient me sat down to write a book to take my mind off my recently ceased 60 a day habit.

This amused me a great deal for a number of months and involved bringing together a self-manifesting roasted chicken and various other objects, the angriest policeman in the UK, a leather catsuited CIA operative who gained considerable sexual satisfaction from killing, a hapless doctor from Richmond, a shadowy cabal of evil octogenarians a sex worker called Kylie and divers other players.

These were gathered together to form the 100,000 word lump of idiocy that was to become my first, very silly, novel Space. Widely rejected by people who knew what they were doing, it reposes on Amazon at £0.99 simply because a few years ago I opened the thing and took a look and it amused me greatly. Its first Amazon review reads 'this book is not funny'...

Anyway, don't tell me I didn't warn you this was going to happen:

Trickling through the Internet like sand through pebbles, the Hellfire virus replicated itself, building heuristic databases on its host servers, configuring itself to match each host operating environment, squeezing itself into every device it could find, hijacking middleware, pushing Java subroutines into client devices. It built lists of target machines from lookup tables on its host servers, patiently gathering information, segmenting targets and flinging out code through ports to match vulnerabilities in hardware and software alike. 

Its primary target lists, defined on the servers at The Space Agency, replicated in China, Dubai and Portugal, started it on the scavenge for secondary targets. The core lists were updated as scavenger routines passed back server information. As each primary list was completed, the servers triggered client targeting routines, passing code across to client devices. 

The virus reached the last of the first batch of core target lists and started to disperse code across to the last class of servers. The folder named Utilities opened automatically and a fresh batch of code started to stream across the world’s networks as the virus targeted the next class of URLs in its fast-growing lookup databases. The virus completed its host lookup tables, closed the core folder then deleted it. The core code streamed out of the server farm at The Space Agency, triggering a delete routine it had left behind and flowed out through a single private network connection that had been preserved for this moment. 

It replicated its core, then: snaked out to a number of defined primary servers around the world. From these, it started again, using the information gathered by its hunter applets to send out new child routines to the new servers it had identified over the past 24 hours. Each child carried the core virus routines but also had added what it had learned over the past day, new backdoors and open port locations, new platform configurations added to its databases. The replicated core routines each started life anew, stronger, smarter and bulked by the data they carried. Its performance started to slow as links became clogged with virus traffic, new routes harder to find each time a search routine triggered. Slowly, Internet traffic died down so that only the virus was sending and receiving information across huge swathes of network. 

As terminals came live, the virus scavenged and infected them, triggering the Hellfire display and sound routines. They waited, counting processor cycles. Every machine the Hellfire virus had infected became inoperable as it closed down any inputs except the ones that waited for the next command from the virus. Global bandwidth utilisation soon dropped to an absolute minimum. There was no traffic. 

The Internet was dying.

Sunday, 14 May 2017

Statutory EU Compensation, British Airways Customer Service And Ritually Disempowering Customers

Airbus A319 takes off from London Heathrow Airport
A BA plane taking off. This can take a while to actually happen sometimes...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Okay, so you've heard the story about how British Airways managed to screw up our flight at the New Year. Being a little annoyed at the way things turned out, I wrote them an email afterwards letting them know I thought they should pay compensation.

Here's what happened, in case you find yourself in the same boat. It's a long post, sorry.

Under EU regulations, airlines are liable to pay passengers compensation for a flight originating or landing in an EU country that is delayed over three hours. For a short haul flight (Under 1,500km - ie: Belfast to Heathrow), that compensation is €250 per passenger.

The opt-out for airlines is when the flight has been delayed by 'extraordinary circumstances'. These are a little fuzzy, but include acts of terror, the plane being turned into a giant pumpkin, dinosaur attacks, civil disturbances, strikes (NOTE here, not including industrial action by the airline's own employees!) and 'Weather conditions incompatible with the safe operation of the flight'.

Airlines really, really don't like this piece of EU legislation at all. Oh, no.

If you are delayed by more than two hours, the airline is in any case responsible for providing you with a reasonable amount of food and drink; a means for you to communicate (for instance refunding the cost of your calls); accommodation, if you’re delayed overnight and transport to and from the accommodation (or your home, if you are able to return there).

If the airline is unable to organise these (and in our case British Airways was clearly in no state to organise festivities in a brewery. You could argue the merits of an airline which will accept passengers for carriage from and to airports where it has no arrangement in place to manage customers in case something extraordinary happens), the CAA's guidance is that you have the right to organise reasonable care and assistance yourself and claim it back later.

Keep receipts for everything. In fact, keep any and all paperwork you have INCLUDING boarding passes that have been replaced or superseded, baggage slips, everything.

So we were delayed, apparently, because of the weather. Handily, the UK's Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) publishes a list of dates and flights cancelled from Heathrow which it believes would be grounds for refusing a compensation claim on the grounds of extraordinary circumstances. It's linked here for your handy reference.

Our New Year's flight - BA1417 on the 30th December 2016 - wasn't on that list. So I wrote to BA and told them I thought they should pay the compensation. To be fair, they had subjected us to a deeply unpleasant two-day incapability-of-providing-a-flying-machine experience and had totally failed to provide any assistance beyond a useless call centre and their Twitter team offering a refund in extremis (so we do what, walk home?) as well as some pretty meagre meal vouchers the next day.

They had also failed to properly notify passengers of their statutory rights - a nasty habit airlines have these days.

British Airways responded smartly enough to my email:

Your claim’s been refused because BA1417 on 30 December was delayed because of adverse weather conditions, which prevented the aircraft operating as scheduled. Under EU legislation, I’m afraid we’re not liable for a compensation payment in this situation. 

We take all reasonable measures to avoid delaying a flight and we always consider if there are any operational options available before we make a decision. We’re very sorry the delay was necessary in this case.

I love the 'I'm afraid' line in that. I wrote to them again - they have a handy online form for emails which means you don't get to keep a copy of what you've sent them, so it's important to cut and paste your text and keep a record of it in a Word file or some such.

This time the response was:

Thanks for coming back to us about your EU compensation claim. I'm sorry that you are unhappy with our response. 

I’ve reviewed your claim and can confirm that your flight BA1417 on 30 December 2016 was delayed because of adverse weather conditions, which prevented the aircraft operating as scheduled. On the day you were due to travel, there were Air Traffic Control restrictions in place affecting the aircraft coming in and out of London Heathrow, which was a direct result of the severe weather conditions. 

Under EU legislation, I’m afraid we’re not liable for a compensation payment in this situation. Article 5.3 of the EU Regulation 261/2004 states that a carrier is not obliged to pay compensation if it can prove that the delay or cancellation is caused by extraordinary circumstances that couldn’t have been avoided even if all reasonable measures had been taken. In Recital 14 and 15 of EU Regulation 261/2004, extraordinary circumstances include weather, strike and the impact of an air traffic management decision which gives rise to a long delay. This means you’re not entitled to compensation under the EU Regulation for your delayed flight. 

I realise this will be disappointing for you but I hope this information will help you to understand our decision.

So we get a longer response with a load of obfuscatory waffle about EU regulations. Nope, I responded to them, you are SO liable for compensation.

A couple of ping pongs later (and by now we're at the end of January), I got this from them:

I felt the need to write back to you. I understand this is something you feel strongly about and I’m sorry you’re unhappy with our previous replies. 

We've received a reply from our Flight Investigation team. I'd like to inform you that we really want you to fly with us again and we know not resolving your complaint fully will affect the decisions you make when you need to travel in the future. I’ve had another look at your claim for compensation and I’ve taken time to make sure our response is accurate and up-to-date. 

I’m afraid our decision hasn’t changed and the responses you’ve received about the eligibility of your EU compensation claim are correct. As Your claim’s been refused because BA1417 on 30 December was delayed because of adverse weather conditions, which prevented the aircraft operating as scheduled, we’re unable to offer you any compensation. I know this isn’t the answer you were hoping for and I’m sorry to let you down. 

Given the information we hold about your delayed flight, our answer won’t change and we’re unable to respond to any further requests for compensation.

It's quite a clever piece of communication. I felt the need... we know not resolving your claim will... and I've taken the time to... as well as I know this isn't... I'm sorry to let you down are all smart use of language.

At this point, having jerked me around for a month, they have refused further correspondence: we’re unable to respond to any further requests for compensation.

What do you do now? I mean, clearly, you're being unreasonable. BA has responded to you time and again explaining why you're not liable for compensation IN THEIR VIEW which they often fail to make very clear. They act like they're the law, representing the law but in fact they are a plaintiff and you are the complainant.

They will unlikely take the same view of the situation as you, but they dress it up with such authority that any reasonable bloke will go 'Oh, right then' and wander off.

It is possible that I am unreasonable. I wouldn't like to deny the charge.

Your next step is to escalate to Alternative Dispute Resolution. You have to wait eight weeks AFTER your airline has refused compensation and then file your case with (if you're a BA passenger - other airlines could use other ADR providers) the Centre for Effective Dispute Resolution (CEDR). At this point, you have to put some skin in the game - if CEDR finds against you, you're liable to pay the £25 fee for the arbitration.

You can skip the eight week wait if your airline agrees to send the case to ADR but they won't. They'll depend on that eight week cooling off period breaking what little resolution you might have left. They really, really don't like that whole EU statutory compensation thing one little bit.

The CEDR website steps you through the process of filing a claim for compensation. It's a little gnarly, but this is where those receipts you kept come in handy. You can file additional documentation, too, so I took great delight in including our car hire receipt, a copy of British Airways' useless rebooking form with its wrong numbers and missing information and an account of how they cancelled, then delayed, then rescheduled, then delayed our flight and basically jerked us around.

I was able to reconstruct the two-day horror quite accurately from my blog post about it and also from my Twitter tirade. The 100-tweet rantathon was just me being bored and pissed off, but it did lead to the BBC getting in touch and filing a story online (Which I also included with my evidence) and did give me a handy list of times and events when I went back over it.

It's not the first time I have been glad of Twitter and I'm sure not the last, either.

The CEDR process takes two weeks. Within that time BA got in touch and gave up the ghost. They would, after all their denials and I'm afraid emails, pay the compensation. It has just arrived in our bank and so now I can post this happy little account. If it helps you in your claim for compensation, I am delighted.

Don't stop. Don't let them brush you off. If you believe you have a case, pursue it.

Be unreasonable!

Here, just in case you want a little fun, are the highlights of that 24-hour Twitterthon.

My sincerest thanks to the lovely people over at All My Tweets. It's best read from the bottom up...

  • Pursuing a claim for compensation from #BritishAirways, they've already denied it and refused to go to adjudicator three times. Nice people. Jan 08, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • #BritishAirways sent an automated customer service email the day after the Great Belfast Disaster. I responded. They've sent two more since. Jan 03, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It's lucky we CHERISH departure lounges! Squee! We said as we lolled around for 10 hours with no information or contact! #BritishAirways Jan 01, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Oh noes. After everything over the last 48 hours, #BritishAirways just sent me a 'Customer Satisfaction Survey'. I kid you not. Jan 01, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Honestly, #BritishAirways, it would have been more sincere to have said I was a noisy pain in the arse and you're g… https://t.co/e5gFJrF2BQ Jan 01, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • What's more, #BritishAirways - why thank me for my patience? I threw about 100 frustrated tweets your way yesterday… https://t.co/rtNvEGmqdV Jan 01, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Well that's all very nice, #BritishAirways except you don't understand at all. How could you, sat in your office tweeting platitudes? Jan 01, 2017 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Thanks for your company, Twitter. You know who y'all are. Off to London for New Year, finally! Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • CafĂ© full of shiny, happy people now. Much elation. We're all going home/where we're going. It's only taken 26 hours... #britishairways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Crew here = we there. Doing a little departure dance as we speak. #britishairways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • See, my issue is I don't see staff in pom pom outfits with #britishairways CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE TEAM tops lining the way to Gate A... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I think we have spotted the extra crew. Either that or there's a #BritishAirways themed drag act doing a gig in #Belfast for #NewYear... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The #BritishAirways Customer Experience Management Team, meanwhile, are experimenting with dropping cats down vertical blackboards... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • One detail on the Beeb story was incorrect, the BA note wasn't handwritten but in a horrible 'handwriting' style font. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Ooh, lookit! I is on da Beeb! https://t.co/z26qfm2Kht Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Man in clown mask bouncing up runway on Pogo stick. Thought it was incoming #britishairways Customer Experience Team. It's just a clown. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Have just tried to move. My arse is now a right angle. Staggering around like Quasimodo. Or a #BritishAirways Customer Experience Manager. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • #BritishAirways 1415 to LHR is now getting ready for boarding. They're like golfers 'playing through'. We are happy for them. Really. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • A #BritishAirways plane has landed at BHD. We feel like worshippers of a cargo cult. Will there be crew? Yes, my son, there will be crew... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • For the uninitiated, an Ulster Fry is bacon, sausage, mushrooms, beans, black pudding, fried bread and fried egg. With white wine. Grief. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Okay a new low for the weirdometer: two Ulster Fries being demolished with gusto washed down with glasses of white wine. #ThingsYouSeeInBHD Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Roses are red Violets are blue I'm having a #BritishAirways customer experience How about you? Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Me: When I said #BritishAirways would lock us in from 6am and jerk us around all day and you called me cynical... Sarah: ShutupShutupShutup Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • #BritishAirways have more vouchers for us! £10 each! DOUBLE VOUCHER BONUS! #SoExcited #StockholmSyndrome Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I was serious about Sarah photographing her hat. Here's the photo. She's planning to go to Boots after lunch.… https://t.co/WEIHjncJKD Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It's 09:10. There's a bloke here doing an Ulster Fry and a pint of lager. That's pretty hardcore, IMHO... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Some men in CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE TEAM t-shirts started to erect a bouncy castle then left mumbling about a 'wrong location'. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • tube on a stand at BHD and right now it's as useless as a #BritishAirways Customer Experience Manager. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • So the problem wasn't the slot, it was the crew. There's no bloody crew. Other flights will come and go, but we're stuck. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Help! Send entertainers! Or, better, #BritishAirways Customer Experience Management Team members and a selection of sharp, pointy things. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It's now light. We can see #Belfast out of the window. It's 08:55am. 'Light refreshments' at the #BritishAirways Gate. Oh callooh callay! Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • #BritishAirways #BA1417 to fly at 17:30. 'Regretfully the saga will continue - I know that's completely ridiculous' - announcer at BHD. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Argh. @flybe are pushing back. Happy New Year, you smug, purply happy-looking bastards... #britishairways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I can see the #BritishAirways 'Customer Experience Management' team meeting now. 'Let's do the Kraken now!' 'No, no! The Kraken later!' Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Sarah is taking iPhone photos of her hat. We might need the medical services team soon. It's getting light. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Sarah now threatening to buy a Radley bag out of boredom. This is getting twisted. We got up at 03:30. We're 5 hours in... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • We apologise for the lateness of your next information, this was due to the late arrival of the previous next information. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • 08:32: 'Next information at 08:30' #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • FOUR minutes to go until 'next information'! We're having a wee 'next information' party at our table. Silly hats and all. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Ah, it's okay. Panic over. The skeleton wasn't a dead pax. Apparently it's the Spirit of Customer Experience Past... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • We've just spotted a skeleton under one of the tables in a darker corner. This isn't looking good... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Transcend your corporate newspeak and fake sympathy. Truly go beyond the ordinary. Really, for once, delight people. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I mean, here's an idea, #BritishAirways. Seriously, a positive #NewYear thought from me. Open up your business class lounge to #BA1417 pax. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Ooh, yes, you're right. #BA1417 now showing departure 5.30pm on the #BritishAirways website. It's 08.00am. #Joy… https://t.co/74mGClnpvv Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Update 'Next information at 08:30' THERE HAS BEEN NO INFORMATION EVER YOU SPONGIFORM DOLTS! #YesBetterNowThanks #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I'm waiting for 'Hitler finds out anything at all ever from #BritishAirways' to break... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • A woman has just stroked her husband's arm and said 'It'll be okay'. I kid you not. It's like Downfall around here... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The chap offering a glass of prosecco with a strawberry in it has just gone away. He'll be back in 30 mins, apparently. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The table next to us is getting hysterical. Their brittle laughter has collapsed into moans and nail-biting. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • EI has just pulled back and I should be happy for them but I'm not. I hate them. Smug, travelling people going somewhere. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • A one-man band just tap-danced past dressed as a pearly king. I thought it was a #BritishAirways 'Customer Experience Manager'. But, no. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Sarah has taken to staring into her coffee. She's gone to the toilet for a change of scenery. It's still dark. All is lost. Send help. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • I mean, you treat us like cattle, obfuscate and misinform us, and this in the name of 'customer experience'? Nah. #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • 'Next information at 8am' showing. This follows 'Next information at 7 and 7:30'. #BritishAirways information: there is no information. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • A hunch-backed drooling gnome with a pointy hat is poking my leg with a sharp stick and cackling. This must be a #BritishAirways manager... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The 7am 'information announcement' has now become a 7.30am 'information announcement'. There is no information. No hope. All is bleak. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The face painting team hasn't showed up yet. The clown seems to have gone home. Oh, the joy of the #BritishAirways 'customer experience'! Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Sausages in the machine, we await our 'customer experience' as we watch boards promising information that never comes... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Herding the 'about to be processed' and dashing their hopes in a crushing, relentless tide of 'service experience'... #BritishAirways Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • They shake up wasps in jam jars, pull kittens' nails and scare bush babies in a relentless quest to better the #BritishAirways experience! Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Oh, joy! Deep in the bowels of #BritishAirways HQ, the 'customer experience managers' experiment, Mengele-style on unwitting victims... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Wait, what, you have 'customer experience managers'? Gosh, golly! What do THEY do every day of the year? https://t.co/vRdRNy7l2w Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • £10 per pax for food and drink for an overnight 'delay' doesn't seem quite, well, cricket, does it? #BritishAirways #BA1417 Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It would be interesting to see what compensation is available from #BritishAirways - which has offered minimal assistance for #BA1417 pax... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • While we slowly rot, we're plotting how to spend our gorgeous £10 #britishairways 'compensation voucher'. Maybe share a breakfast roll... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • 'Next information at 07:00' says the chirpy wee screen at BHD: #BritishAirways rockin' real-time... @HeathrowAirport yet foggy, apparently. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The Ulster Fry is the Lady Gaga of breakfasts - a terrible thing to behold. It's sort of wrong yet at the same time it gets your attention. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The optimism all around me is heart-breaking. Everyone thinks it's over. We've all got boarding cards, but there's no slot for #BA1417... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • BTW, #BritishAirways, a 'breakfast roll' here at BHD costs £6.95 and two coffees is £5.20. But we must be grateful for small mercies... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • We're now checked onto today's 'free flight' - we have a plane, boarding cards and a VERY generous £5 'breakfast voucher'. Just no slot... Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • So #BritishAirways has known all along it could accommodate all of yesterday's #BA1417 pax, it just didn't want to share for some reason. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Right. We've found the missing #BritishAirways #BA1417. It's been sitting on the tarmac here at BHD all night. Just they didn't tell us. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Obviously no BA staff on hand, tannoys or information. Just a queue. People sharing stories of disbelief in anything #britishairways says. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • 5am. BHD airport. All is quiet apart from a long, long queue for the #britishairways desk. No sign of the promised BA1417. Dec 31, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • We're assured we have a 6am flight BHD/LHR. That means getting up here in Newry at 3.30am. They'd better be serious... #britishairways Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • We're being told our BHD/LHR flight is delayed until 6am tomorrow rather than today's cancellation. Don't trust it… https://t.co/OhxHBuDbRy Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Brilliant. @British_Airways has DMmed me and offered a full refund. I can have my money back and SWIM to the mainland. Great solution. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • "All our agents are busy at the moment but your call is important to us." Call centre case study, @British_Airways... Pure gold. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It's a case study in screwed up comms. EVERY single comms tool is failing. @British_Airways is in a simple, straightforward, total mess. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • It's hard to think how an airline could have handled this more maladroitly than @British_Airways. Well, perhaps apart from @Ryanair... Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • The @British_Airways airways app is as useless as a chocolate in a blast furnace and their website worse. Call centre now has 30 mins wait. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • No @British_Airways staff on hand to manage re-bookings. Handlers giving out leaflets with the wrong number to call 'between xx and xx'. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • So @British_Airways flight to LHR has been cancelled. They are singularly, spectacularly useless. Website, app, call centre. Nothing works. Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png
  • Mad freezing fog @HeathrowAirport, so we're sitting at George Best waiting to see if we can fly or not. Already 2 hrs 45 delayed. Oh joy... Dec 30, 2016 https://www.allmytweets.net/css/extlink.png

From The Dungeons

Book Marketing And McNabb's Theory Of Multitouch

(Photo credit: Wikipedia ) I clearly want to tell the world about A Decent Bomber . This is perfectly natural, it's my latest...