In the latest in a series of pathetic 'teasers' trying to recruit readers for that most wonderfully amusing of books, Space, Tuesday Belgravia caught one of the book's most popular and controversial characters, Véronique the housemaid from Vientiane, during the writing of her final scene in the book.
So you’re quite a complex character, really, aren’t you? Because you’re not a housemaid at all, really!
Yes, that’s right. I’m actually working for the Russian mafia and I’m actually spying on Dr. Ben Jonson because Ivan Litvanoff thinks he’s connected to Eva Bartholdy.
Ummm. Your accent is... well, very English! In the book you sound Asian.
That’s because I’m a RADA trained character, obviously. Did you really think that all Asian people spoke like that? I suppose you can’t tell us apart, either.
Well, no, it’s not like that, really...
I mean, you probably thought I came off the last sampan! Oh, lookie! It’s a Chinky-wink! Do that funny thing do you with slanty eyes, Derek! You want love me long time, Johnny? Ooh look, it’s Ting Tong! I mean, give me a break.
No, no, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause any offense!
Make her say L! That’s always good for a laugh, isn’t it round-eye? Herro rovery rady!! Eh? Vis chicken’s rubbery! Why is it always chickens with you people as well? Like you hap chicken is you good ruck! See? You’re laughing!
Well, that is one of your lines from Space, isn’t it?
Yes and I’m less than happy about it. They’re making it into a bloody T-shirt now, you know.
Changing the subject, you get shot in this scene.
It’s scandalous. Everyone in this damn book gets shot. There’s just guns and dead people all over the place. I’m surprised anyone can write in here for the blood and gore and stuff. And, as usual, it’s not a nice clean bullet in the heart, oh no. I get my damn face blown off. I’ve worked for better authors, I can tell you!
I just have, right?
A last question, in character if you don’t mind, what’s your favourite bit of the book?
You for real, are you? In character?
Me no hap like best bit. I am fink vis whole damn book sirry. I finding vis arrixandar, I mess him up good piece rong time. There. Happy?
Thank you, Véronique
I don’t think.
You can read Space online on authonomy by clicking on this handy, easy to use hyperlink. And if the book makes you laugh and looks like something you'd buy and read, then you can 'Bookshelf' it and vote for it to stay in the top five books to be 'cherry-picked' for review by Harper Collins' editors at the end of the month! There are three days to go and, believe me, your vote counts right now!
Incidentally, there's a load of other fiction by new writers in the UK, US, Europe and Australia up there, so have a poke around too and see what takes your fancy!
Try Stalking the Widowmaker by Greg Horbay for instance, or MM Bennets' epic 1812. MM Trevalean's Tartare is certainly an interesting, if unsettling read and then there's Dan Holloway's Songs from the other side of the wall, a work of literary genius.