Tuesday, 20 October 2009


Lemmy KilmisterLemmy Kilmister via last.fm

Since Dubai Police went on their radar rampage, I have taken to using cruise control most of the time and it has undoubtedly saved me thousands of Dirhams. It saved me another few hundred this morning, coming down the Awir road out of the desert and into Dubai and passing the evil, hunchbacked dwarf in a green uniform who’d set up his mobile speed camera behind the big blue road sign.

I’d barely passed him when I saw a Hiace van coming up behind me, parked on my tail and flashing me to pull over. I was travelling at a carefully calibrated 119km/h and the road’s speed limit at that point is 100km/h. It is customary for Dubai Police to set radars at 20km/h above the limit, wot they calls 'the cushion'. So if I was being a tad naughty, my good friend in the Hiace was being unusually naughty.

I hate minivans. I hate that maniacal morons with single digit brain-cell counts and Lemmy’s taste for speed drive them, let alone that they have a high centre of gravity and frequently add to that inherent instability by being packed to the gunwales with workers.

I’d like to see ‘em taken off the roads – they caused 21% of all traffic fatalities in Dubai this year, including the horrific accident in Lahbab, the desert truck stop further out towards Hatta on the very road I was on. At the least I’d like to see ‘em confined to the inside lane.

Meanwhile, matey boy was giving me the full ‘I’m a sheikh, move over’ treatment, literally within a couple of feet of my bumper, his lights pumping.

So I did a bad thing, people. I could see the fixed speed camera looming into sight ahead of us and I graciously pulled over to let Speedy Keen past. He was hunched over the wheel, his tongue out and drooling as he passed me by, his cargo looking down at me as they shot past.


I watched his arms fly up in the universal ‘I don’t believe it! Why me? Of all the damn things!’ gesture.

And I was glad. And I did show him I was glad.

Sorry. Two traffic-related posts in one month is the sign of a rogue, but that's how the dice fall sometimes...
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Grumpy Goat said...

Don'tcha just love that Muntz Moment?

Anil said...

Excellent!! well done!!

I hate minivan drivers almost as much as I hate taxi drivers!!

This post put a big smile on my face!! Thank you!

Media Junkie said...

ahhhh...i remember those days where i'd get my back at rude flashers and tailgaters....

Susan said...

hahaha! Its called the slingshot effect and it it so so satisfying when it works like that!

Alec said...

As I was driving out of Satwa yesterday, a landcruiser was doing the very same thing (Though at a much slower speed) so I waited until I was almost at the solid line that you shouldn't cross (knowing full well that a policeman regularly parks his bike and waits by it) then pulled over.

Said landcruiser, cruised past me and shot in, right in front of me, to escape the dreaded Satwa roundabout, thus crossing the solid line and to my utter delight I watched the policeman taking down his number plate as I smiled and drove on.

hahhahhhahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhaaaaaaaahhahahhhhahahahhahhaaahahahahahhahhaaahhaha was the sound that came out of my happy little head.

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