Tuesday, 4 May 2010

The Paper Diet

A breakfast is set up on a blue and white stri...Image via Wikipedia
One of the most annoying radio ads currently is the awful Pull! Pull! Ad. You know the one:

Pull! Pull!
Come on, pull! You can do it! Pull!
Ever felt like getting into your dress is getting into labour?

Gratingly idiotic, annoyingly voiced, unpleasantly connoted and insultingly mindless, it's not just an awful piece of advertising (and let's face it, it's gotta be pretty awful to stand out in the circus of misbegotten creative maladroitness that is Dubai radio advertising), but it's promoting an awful little scheme, too.

The breakfast cereal people have come up with a great idea: diets that are based around eating their virtually content-free product twice, instead of once, a day as part of your weight control/loss regimen. It’s brilliant – how to double sales by preying on people’s desire to lose weight.

This stuff is worthy of Edward Bernays, the 'father of modern PR' who hooked America's women on smoking by having them light their 'torches of freedom'.

The idea's nice and simply. All you have to do is eat a bowl of puffed rice and/or wheat crackers with low fat milk for your morning and lunchtime (maybe with a little naughty fruit!) and then have a meal at night. Together with increased exercise the result is, hey presto!, weight loss in just two weeks!

Two weeks?

Yes, two weeks! That's all it takes!

Let me save you some money as well as having to ingest GM ingredients processed with high fructose corn syrup, artificial ingredients, palm oil extracts and flavourings. Eat a sheet of paper with a cup of black tea in the morning and one more at lunchtime. You can put some milk in the tea. Have a normal meal at night, but walk briskly for at least an hour. You can use cardboard boxes if you like, but try and cut down on the total surface area, perhaps A5 size.

You'll lose weight in no time!
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Stained said...

And if people think paper is a little tough to chew they can choose to dip tissues into their tea and eat them. Soft and easy to swallow...

Grumpy Goat said...

I suggest the ELF diet:


Or in extremis, how about the FA-plan diet?

EyeOnDubai said...

You mean worse than a certain Korean electronic manufacturer's risible wedding season ad or the equally mind-numbing 'The MD is coming' hotel suites ad? Not possible, surely, or do we need to establish the 'Bottom Ten' of broadcast offences?

Deaf Indian Muslim Anarchist! said...

LOL. I can't stand those stupid diet commercials that air on American TV.

if fat/overweight people are so deperate to be skinny, they should just hire a serial killer to slice fat off their flesh and sell it on the black market.

Luke said...

Am laughing at this. It was only yesterday when I was using rather colourful language to explain to my wife my views on the "the MD is coming" advert. Why can't they come up with something a little more thought-provoking and less nauseating? It has to be the same ad agency used by Premier Inn - it's the same format.

Anonymous said...

before you go ahead and diss ads make sure you know which is which :)
the tasteless "pull pull oh my god my fat thighs into a dress is worse than labor" is a Nestle Fitness ad,
the 2 weeks challenge is a Special K line that has nothing to do with Nestle..
and ps. two totally different cereals, and at least they are promoting a relatively healthy weight loss program,
as opposed to the other crazy fad diets out there

Anonymous said...

You know i agree that that particular radio ad was HORRIFIC. And i would probably NEVER buy that brand. But not all low-fat cereal brands preach "get skinny by eating our brand."

Some brands, specifically the ones that offer the 2-week diet, target people who have unhealthy eating habits. The are not talking to the kind of people who are already health conscience and eat organic-type food. And in order to break any habit you need to have a disciplined amount of time doing the opposite. Why do you think there are a minimum of 21 days for rehab? Becuase research shows that it takes 21 days to break an addictive habit such as alcoholism. Similarly, 2 weeks is enough to get you off of junk food/fast food AND offers you an incentive (a little weight loss) to START leading a healthier lifestyle. And im sorry but at least THIS diet is healthier than starving yourself!

Plus,cereal is MUCH better food then the greasy crap people are used to eating now a days. It probably has more vitamins than they know existed!

So the ad you mentioned really does degrade other cereal brands that are honestly trying to help women become healthier.

Lastly, please don't take my comments personally. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but i believe that informed opinions are worth listening to more.

alexander... said...

You might like to filter the two anonymous comments above when I let you know that the IP address they originate from belongs to Kellogs' Middle East advertising agency, Leo Burnett Dubai.

Tomorrow morning's post should be fun.

"Lastly, please don't take my comments personally. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but i believe that informed opinions are worth listening to more."

Oh, yes...

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