Points

There’s an Egyptian Arabic language website and accompanying newsletter called Egypt ICT, which provides news, views and commentary on that most excellent country’s burgeoning ICT scene. Recently it’s been the centre of an outbreak of PR/journalist angst which has proven most fascinating, reporting on a series of events that appear to have sparked a new, well, grumpiness on the part of the country’s press corps.

Back in June, the newsletter gleefully reported a series of gaffes on the part of mobile phone company Nokia. A spat over the apparent exclusion of a number of journalists from a press event appeared to create significant ill-feeling amongst the media there. This was then followed Nokia’s communications people in Egypt apparently suggesting to a rather ungrateful Egyptian media that they might like to conform to a new points based system for rewarding compliant journalists. Points were allegedly to be awarded in return for coverage and journalists who collected lots of points would have privileged access to Nokia executives.

The howl of protest that accompanied this move has still not died down: journalists are, I venture to suggest somewhat gleefully, attacking Nokia and, increasingly, its products in the Egyptian media.

Now the outbreak of grumpiness has crossed over into that most delicate of relationships: that between PRs and journalists. An invitation has been sent out to Egypt’s PR fraternity (‘the marina boys’ in the invitation: a reference to the fact that PRs are seen as yahoos from the yacht club) that offers them a training course in writing media releases and other materials in ‘decent’ Arabic.

It would appear that battle lines are being drawn and that there is going to be some fun to be had out of this. Long abused, disrespected and neglected, Egypt’s journalists have often created a rod for their own backs because it is all too easy to ‘buy’ coverage – either through paying the paper directly or a journalist indirectly. There are, don’t get me wrong, decent and scrupulous journalists in Egypt who do not do this.

It would appear, however, that the money is no longer enough. It looks like the sheer disrespect accorded Egyptian journalists has finally become too much. Companies beware!

Late

Better late than never, they say... With profuse apologies for my tardiness this week, here is another smattering of little literary jewels from the strange and wonderful pen of K. Malik, author of 1111 Letters for Every Occasion, the guide to brilliant correspondence that is brought to us by New Light Publishers of New Delhi.


Response to Notices
Government notices bring forth a bumper harvest of replies. Your letters must be attractive enough to catch the eye, otherwise it is a labour of love gone-down the drain.

Paying Income Tax
With reference to your public notice in the national press, enclosed herewith is the receipted challan for payment of advance tax.

Freedom Fighters
Is it necessary that a man should have to go to jail in order to qualify as a freedom fighter!
I fought for freedom by writing a book against the British every month during the Quit India Movement. Am I not a freedom-fighter?


To,
The Maharashtra Emporium
New Delhi
Dear Sir
Kindly send me some of your fashion tips for my old wife who is becoming so unfashionable that I am being driven from pillar to post in the Delhi University campus looking for a modern wife.


Free Literature
Kindly supply me free literature for the eradication of malaria in my locality.

Positive Reply
We have the honour to send you herewith literature for the eradication of malaria as desired by you.

Negative Reply
We have run out of stock of literature on eradication of malaria.
It appears as if the mosquitoes have eaten or flown away the books against them!

Next week: Letters of Complaint

Law

The weighty tome that is Gulf News landed with more than the usual 'thud' this morning - and not because of yet another massive property supplement crammed with vacuous, mind-numbing calls to experience an iconic lifestyle and the rest of it. Oh no. it was because the news was heavier than usual: the UAE's new publication law is in draft and now being put in front of the Cabinet following its approval by the ministerial legislative committee.

The news also outlines the fines that will be imposed under the new legislation. Sadly, GN's report omits a rather important zero...

GN's headline trumpets that the law will scrap the jail term for journalists. However, it would appear from the report itself, that the law continues the practice of potentially criminalising the practice of journalism, rather than building a legal framework for recourse on behalf of companies or individuals who believe that journalism has served them ill.

The distinction is an important one. It means cases will continue to be brought against journalists by the state rather than by individual or corporate litigants. In other words, the state would continue to hold journalists and their newspapers responsible for adherence to a law that limits the practice of journalism and that imposes a range of measures against them if the state judges them to be in breach of the law.

The maximum fine, according to GN, will be Dhs 100,000 or just a tad over $27,000. Which ain't too bad. However, according to front page stories in the Arabics, including Al Bayan and Al Ittihad, the fines will range from Dhs 100,000 to Dhs 1,000,000 - $270,000. For those who are worrying about inflation, that's a ten-fold increase from the previous publishing law.

Another interesting detail that GN gives is that the new law will hold the journalist and the newspaper accountable, rather than (as previously) the journalist and the, necessarily UAE National, editor in chief.

More details on the long awaited legislation will now, hopefully, start to emerge. But I can't say it looks good so far.

What, if anything, awaits bloggers in the new legislation is another issue entirely. But I'm not sure that many of us have a million dirhams in loose change kicking around...

If you extend the definition of journalists to encompass bloggers (and don't think for a second that the courts here wouldn't do that), it also would tend to suggest that Google and Wordpress ('the newspaper' if bloggers are 'the journalist') had probably better make sure they have some ready cash lying around, too...

Back

Having had a more than marvellous time in Berlin, I have to record, sadly, that I didn’t get back in time to post a ‘1111 letters’ post. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Sorry, Ammouni, Keefie and Nick!

It’s been a mad three days: a lot of meetings, greetings and sharing of knowledge and information with our friends and partners across Europe and Asia. I probably neglected to mention that I’ve been attending the Pleon Summer Academy, an annual event that brings together representatives of the agencies and offices that together make up Europe’s largest, and leading, communications consultancy. And yes, that was a plug. Oddly enough, for someone who is often (totally unfairly, of course) labelled as misanthropic, I enjoy the Academy. This year I got to score points off a powerful civil servant, which was lovely. I got to eat a load of really bad things involving cheese, pork, cream and other rich stuff. I’m not even talking about the volume of beer. I got to wander around Checkpoint Charlie again, this time in the company of friends, although Unter den Linden was closed to us because of a huge parade of gay people – we were passed on the road by enormous hairy men wearing dresses and sporting iridescent wigs, black-leathered bikers and many, many more fascinations.

Over the last few days, I’ve had the chance to talk to a lot of smart people and old friends about the stuff that we do at work that actually interests me, in a convivial and pleasant setting. I consider myself unusually lucky in being able to do that.

Anyway, business as usual tomorrow. Promise.

Machtnicht

Being in Berlin and finding myself in the Reichstag (as one does), I took the opportunity to chat to my old friend Matthias Machnig, German state secretary for the Federal Ministry of the environment, nature conservation and nuclear safety.

Matthias spent some time kindly talking to our little group, outlining his views of the world of communications. His stance was broadly that only people who belong in, and therefore understand, the corridors of power should have the right to access those corridors and the grandees contained therein. The egalitarianism of the Internet and the wacky world of Web 2.0 was certainly something that Herr Machtnicht wasn't going to take seriously.

Challenged on this view, he became somewhat defensive and arrogant, instantly losing the sympathy of 180 communications professionals from around Europe. Having been charged with a certain degree of arrogance, his response was "If I was arrogant, I wouldn't have given up my valuable time today to talk to you!"

His valuable time, as a consequence, was invested in creating a most definite feeling of irritation and even alienation amongst his audience.

A lesson in communications, indeed...

Trucked

The scenes outside our local ADNOC have started to become apocalyptic: a line of 45 buses stretches out onto the sand-roads behind the petrol station, blocking access to our house from the main road: the line of trucks on the other side stretches out just as far, curling into a strange mandala of decorated, jangling, garishly painted flat-backs. We’re looking at well over 100 vehicles stacked up for the final approach to cheap diesel: Dhs10 per gallon less than Dubai’s filling stations. For a lorry with a 100 gallon tank, that’s a lot of Mars Bars. Every ADNOC’s the same - a line of waiting diesel consumers stretches around the back, down the road - any which way they can, really!

Lugubrious taxi driver Mr G says it’s because Dubai won’t buy refined product from Abu Dhabi and insists on importing the stuff. Interesting, the thought that this could all be down to a sort of family squabble.

Whatever the reason (and we have been rather short of investigative insight from our trusted ‘analogue’ media sources on that one, so Mr. G.’s speculative take is the best thing I’ve heard), the insane queues continue. It must be awful driving one of those orange tankers queued up outside Dubai Shitty City: ten hours to dump your load and then another five hours to fill up with enough diesel to get through the next day.

Paying Salik would be a relief for them: in fact, I could afford to let both queues cross Salik at my expense and still have credit left over, thanks to the muddled administration of the toll that likes to say ‘It’s not our fault our system doesn’t work’...

Silence from the RTA continues. Gulf News' report on Salik's failings today just makes me feel even better about my chances of recovering the money they took as a result of their screw-up.

GnnnnnNNNNN!

Cleared

Salik is a joy to the hearts of many Dubai residents. There are few things that make me happier than passing under that smashing RFID-tabulous gate and hearing the sound of another four dirhams going 'ching' into the giant cash register that is Dubai's Roads and Transport Authority, or RTA. It makes me happy.

Recently I started to get text messages telling me that my Salik balance was low. And then I realised that I really had to do something about it: I was in danger of triggering... gasp... violations. So I went online to try and pay.

The RTA website is a bit of a mess, if I'm honest. It hasn't really been updated since they launched the whole Salik scheme and much of its functionality remains 'under construction'. Online payment doesn't work if you use Firefox, either - only IE is supported. Which is a little Victorian if you ask me.

So I loaded (with a shudder) Explorer and got on with making my payment. It's enabled through the Dubai e-Government 'Epay' site and the mechanism is a little, well, Victorian. Worse, my attempt to pay 'em Dhs 250 (good for a while, about 62 'chings') bombed out: the transaction failed. I tried again, keying my card details in very, very carefully. Failed again. And then I noticed an error message:

“Server was unable to process request. ---> uspEPayResponseUpd: OKCannot insert the value NULL into column 'dtUpdTime', table 'dbDTS.dbo.tbEPayTrxn'; column does not allow nulls. UPDATE fails.”

This didn't look good. I left it a while and tried again, same error message. Three attempts, three failed transactions. I called 'em, but they won't do credit card transactions over the 'phone, which struck me as a little, well, Victorian.

You know what's coming next, don't you? I logged on to the Salik website next day to see how much trouble I was in with those potential violations and... ta da!!!! I've got Dhs750 credit on my Salik tag.

The RTA call center won't process a refund because it's not their policy and anyway it's epay I have to talk to and not them and is there anything else I can do to help you?

The Dubai government helpline ('Dial one to stick knives in your head, dial two to eat lightbulbs, dial three to speak to a human being and solve your problem. Thank you for dialling three. Sorry, nobody's answering that line. Dial one...') says I should go to the RTA because they took my money. Great.

Having lost the plot with both, both have agreed to 'escalate' the complaint to 'the concerned department'. This has been followed by a long silence, but I'm not giving up. Even if it takes me as long as 187 crossings of Salik to sort it out...

Complaint

While there must have been much to complain about in India back in the early '70s, K. Malik, the literary leviathan behind 1111 Letters for Every Occasion (brought to us, as you all well know by now, by grace of New Light Publishers of New Delhi) has decided that the course of the true complainer shall be set in the direction of surrealism. Microsoft insists on underlining the word 'goom' in red, indicating that it is not a word. I say no and a thousand times no! If K. Malik uses goom, then goom it shall be!

Strangely correct in his predictions regarding the death of the newspaper due to television (we've had to wait for the Internet to do that), the Mighty Malik's words on the matter will remain with me for a long time yet...

Letters of Complaint

Letters of complaint must be drafted as diplomatically as the letters of advice otherwise they lose the savour and bring no good results – often bad results.

Complaint Against Husband

Dear Lizzy

Do you want to know how my newly married husband is providing for the family?

“Is your husband much of a provider?” That is what you asked in your last letter.

He just has not had anything else to do except providing. He promises to get some furniture provided he gets the money. He promises to get the money provided he gets a job. He promises to go to work provided the job suits him. I have not seen such a providing man in all my life.

Yours,

On Smuggling

Dear Sir

Some people are complaining that you are guilty of smuggling, but I don’t believe a thing.

At a particularly loud clap of thunder, a woman walked along a street in London during the Second World War with a bag of smuggled goods.

“It’s alright”, said an urchin. “It ain’t Hitler. It is God.”

Yours,

Bad Service

Need I complain about service in your restaurant? After long waiting, one of your bearers told a customer, “Your fish will be coming in a minute or two now, Sir.” The sad man looked interested. “Tell me”, he said, “which bait are you using?”

Market Competition

If anyone believes that TV will replace the newspaper just let him try to wrap up last winter’s suit in a TV.

Reasonable Query

The Baltimore & Ohio R.R. Co.

Pittsburgh, Pa.

Gentlemen.

Why is it that your switch engine has to ding and dong and fizz and spit and pant and grate and grind and puff and bump and chug and hoot and toot and whistle and wheeze and howl and clang and growl and thump and clash and goom and jolt and screech and snarl and snort and throb and roar and rattle and hiss and smoke and smell and shriek all night long when I come home from a hard day at the boiler works and have to keep the dog quiet and the baby quiet so my wife can squawk at me for snoring in my sleep?

Yours truly,

John Smith

Next week: Response to Notices

Rubble

This is Satwa and we're just going to see more and more of this. There are families still living amongst the rubble, but life just goes on around the margins of the demolition zone as people walk past the stained sofas and piles of rubble and get on with their daily lives...

Clueless

It's been an interesting week in the old and new media: the UK FCO terror warning for the UAE has really shown the contrast between Internet and Heidelberg speeds. Yesterday, of course, the newspapers all missed the news: the news sites and radio were the only place you'd find information and the blogs the only place you could go for analysis, opinion and discussion. In fact, the blogs were up and running with the news and reactions to it from Monday night.

Incidentally, it's worth taking a minute to take a look at the whole advisory from the horse's mouth. Overall, it's probably the best, most realistic and balanced advisory you could want and certainly worth sharing with visitors before they travel.

Anyway, getting back to it, Gulf News today leads twice on terror: the irritating wraparound ad that now seems to be a regular feature of the soaraway GN gives the subs a chance to write an extra front page headline, so we have 'Case of crying wolf on terror' as the wraparound headline and then 'UK's terror warning a 'routine advice' as the real front cover headline.

I now owe Gulf News something like $25 if we take AP's new anti-blogging measures into account. Sorry, chaps: I ain't paying.

We can start to guess what angle GN's taking on the UK terror warning. It's on its own, too: KT has decided that it is above such petty things as terror warnings. So GN has, quite properly in my opinion, set out to pour cold water on any unnecessary panic or alarm. I do, however, find the reaction a little, well, overly positive. Terrorism is, after all, terrible for trade.

And so we have Dubai Police Chief, the charismatic and poetic Dahi Khalfan Tamim professing himself, according to GN, to be clueless: "We have no clue about what the British Embassy is talking about," the paper quotes him as saying on a local radio station. GN also quotes a well-dodgy sounding 'security expert', who apparently has information that the Brits couldn't substantiate a terror threat and so issued the warning to put pressure on UAE security forces to step up their own efforts. Hmmm.

There's a nice story inside with lots of Brits saying they think it's all tosh. There's nobody saying they're worried or concerned, which does rather puzzle me. Perhaps I'm just being silly in looking for some form of balance in what is clearly an effort to react responsibly to the situation.

GN's page 10 editorial says it all, really. I found the tone of the piece fascinating.

Personally, I'm not about to start introducing route diversity into my life. But I'd perhaps have liked to have seen a more reasoned, balanced reaction. It does carry so much more weight than this rather crude, relentless positivity.