|Bucket-headed dog (Photo credit: Paul Kidd)|
"What are you on about? I'm just enjoying my shiny! Two hundred dirhams for what?"
"Dogs, that's what. We've introduced fines for having dogs off the leash and not cleaning up their poop. So give me two hundred dirhams."
"But I haven't got a dog!"
"What's that over there, then? Scotch mist?"
"Well, it's a dog, but..."
"So. Two hundred dirhams. I'll take cash or we'll just add it to your cooling bill. Of course, if you don't pay it, we'll cut off your electricity and water..."
"But who gave you the right to introduce and levy fines? You're a property developer, not a legal system!"
"As well as your cooling."
"But that's not my dog."
"Well I don't see anyone else around here, do you? So it's your dog, matey."
"I want to appeal!"
"There's no appealing this. Blimey, you're a callow one, aintcha? You can appeal if you're dealing with a properly constituted legal system, but this is a series of totally arbitrary regulations foisted on you by a property developer. Not that we'd ever say that in public, you understand."
"So whatever happened to 'dare to dream of a new future of freedom and choice' and 'iconic living that expresses your individuality'?"
"Oh come on, nobody takes that stuff seriously. Anyway, we never expressly said you could keep dogs at all. You should be glad we're tolerating your odiferous canines."
"I keep telling you, I don't even have a dog! This is outrageous! My Shiny never had the bathroom you promised, you keep putting up the maintenance fees, then you tell me what colour I can paint it and tell me which telco I have to use. You stopped me hanging a flag off it for the world cup and refuse to allow me to change the exterior. You even tried to tell me what newspapers I can read. This is just more abuse of my rights by a developer that seems to think it owns me! All in the name of FREEhold?"
"Now don't go giving me attitude, Sir, or I might have to invoke the abuse of development company staff regulation that allows me to mace you and then take your car away."
"But that's not even my bloody dog!"
"Think we're Peter Sellers, do we? Right. I'll add it to your cooling bill. Oh dear, oh dear."
"What is it now?"
"It's just done a poop. That'll be another two hundred."
(Shiny posts passim)