Book

I thought I’d just post up some bits and bobs from/about Space for the rest of the month just to give people a wee ‘amuse bouche’ of all the fun and frolics awaiting them if they go and read Space, that most wonderful cure for a broad spectrum of common ailments.

It's up on Harper Collins' authonomy new writer's website and I would encourage you to 'Back the book' and add your vote if the book makes you laugh and you'd buy it in a bookshop.

While you're there, take a look at Keefieboy's Tybault and Theo!

Today, reporter Tuesday Belgravia talks to Kylie Smith, sex shop worker and the love interest in Space during a break from writing the book on location in Paris.

So you’re just taking a break from writing and I think you’re just about to find Rene Levesques at a cafe in Paris, in the Marais district...
Yes, that’s the idea, I think. He’s a nice old bloke, a French gentleman, so I’m looking forward to meeting him actually. But I’ve just discovered this French drink called Montalow, at a cafe near the Pompeedoo Centre, and it’s like washing your teeth only much bigger. Sort of like doing lots of Crem de Menth shots. Have you ever had a Crem de Menth shot?

Umm, no. You’re on the run with Ben Jonson. What’s he like?
Oh, I like Ben, see. I mean, he’s not exactly the most exciting bloke in the world and everything, but I usually pull blokes with pitbulls and gold teeth what hit me, so he’s much nicer. He’s a doctor, see? I sort of fancy him. But he’s very jumpy on account of things appearing around him with a pop and some sort of secret from the war that only Mr. Levesques knows about. So Ben has to see him. It’s all very exciting for a girl like me, I only usually see sort of ASBO stuff, you know? Not international crime and that!

Fancy Ben? But didn’t you fancy Detective Inspector Ocelot?
Mr. Oscelot? Nah! Don’t be daft! I was just winding him up a bit ‘cos every time he saw my boobs he got all sweaty. He was nice, though, like a proper TV detective an’ all! Though he didn’t have a housekeeper. Do you like my boobs?

They’re very nice. Moving on, is it true that you’ve featured in a sex film?
Who told you about that? I’m not talking about that! I said I wouln’t talk about it!

Apparently you were very good in it!
(Laughs) I won’t, I was very bad in it. But I said I wouln’t talk about School of Sex!

Was that the title?
Ummm. Yes.

And what happened in it?
(sighs) Oh, you know, the usual. BJ, DP. Usual.

DP? Dom Perignon?
What? No! Look, it was just one of them arty house movies. Can we just move on?

You're a popular character in Space. Do you mind dying in the book?
Do I?

Yes. Actually, quite a lot of people do!
Oh. That’s put a bit of a damper on things, then, hasn’t it?

Didn’t you know?
Know? Of course not! Wouldn’t have taken the job if I’d known that, would I?

Thank you, Kylie, for your time.
Yeah right. Thanks for telling me I’m gonna die. Not in this scene, is it?

No
Oh. That’s alright then. I can finish me montalow at least.