Tuesday, 10 September 2013

A Buffed And Shiny Shiny

Bright and Shiny (album)
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
"I thought I told my secretary..."
"It's okay, I lied. I told her there was a ladder in her stockings and while she was checking, I popped in."
"So what's the problem now?'
"No problem. I called in just to say thank you so much for selling me my Shiny."
"Ah, here's my secretary now. No, it's okay, Joyce, you can tell security to stand down. We'll only be a minute here. Yes, I know he lied. No, there isn't a ladder in your stockings. Right, what's this about being pleased with your Shiny? You've done nothing but complain since the day you bought it."
"Well, let's face it, you've done nothing but move the goalposts since the day I bought it. But I haven't come to talk about that. I've come to say thank you."
"Well, I'm speechless. What can I say? It has been our pleasure."
"And I brought you these chocolates. There's no need to look so suspicious, they're not poisoned or anything. Honestly, you can try the first one on Joyce."
"So what's gone so right then?"
"Well, for a start property prices are on the up! Almost 22% this year, the highest rise in property values in the world! Isn't that great? If this keeps going for another couple of years, my Shiny will be shiny again and worth what I paid for it!"
"That's great news. Of course, we always knew that would happen. Just stick with us and you'll be alright, laddie. Live your dreams out in your sunshine lifestyle and leave the rest to us."
"And if that's not good enough, it's official - we're in the fourteenth happiest place on earth! Isn't that cool?"
"Very cool. Just dream of happiness and your exclusive tailored community dream can live rampant again in your most fruitful fantasy. I'm overjoyed at your pleasure. Would you like to buy another Shiny?"
"Umm, no thanks. I'm pleased but not that pleased."
"Go on. You know it makes sense. Live to love to dream to beam! The value can only go up and they're undervalued at the moment. Plus, you know exactly what you're getting now. Ensure your family's enchanted rapture in a celebration of being! We've got regulation and everything."
"Look, enjoy the chocolates. I'll just nip off now. Thanks for everything."
"Come on! Special offer on Shinies! Roll up! Roll up! Dream pleasure sensual relax lovely muffins! Extra shine and a free Duster! It's a car, you know, not those yellow clothy things."
"I've got to run. Cheers all the same. Bye!"
"Funny chap. Everyone else is clamouring for new shiny Shinies. Oh well!"
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1 comment:

Dave Edwards said...

Tee hee. I do love the Shiny posts. And after almost nine years living in Arabian Ranches I still marvel at how much it resembles a a vast stud farm in Texas, and not at all a housing estate on the edge of Woking.

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