Osama

It's odd, I'd scanned this a few weeks ago intending to do a post about the mildly egregious toilet papers produced by vendors to the US Military Albert's Gifts and here we are, the Americans literally having wiped him out. I've got the Saddam toilet paper too. It's safe to say you wouldn't really want to have your face on American toilet paper if the statistical side of things were looked at.

The most powerful nation of our race prints its enemies' faces on toilet paper and kills them. I'm not sure what that says about us all, really.

Argh! Modhesh! The Return of the Yellow Fiend!

Sorry. Meant friend, not fiend. The return of the yellow friend.

Every year we see the smiling little dear trotted out to decorate the roundabouts and meeting places of Dubai and every year I feel the need to mark my first sighting with a little celebration of the infinite-eyed tide of grinning evil. It's become something of a ritual, to the point where the gnarled, bitter old man that is Dubai Radio DJ Catboy (@Catboy_Dubai) accused me of doing the manic yellow spring's PR!

As the piece of string said to the barman, I'm a frayed knot. I will always be on the other side of the divide where the squeaky voiced scion of scintillating summer surprises is concerned. Eyeing him askance, distrustful of those open arms and that Bolivian neck-tie smile, I'll carry on crossing to the other side of the road in case by some strange quirk, the anthropomorphism goes too far and he comes to life, joined by his fellow Modheshes in a spine-chilling tide of Zombie Modheshes, tearing flesh and consuming all in their path.

It is officially summer, folks...

Update
It struck me this morning that the Modheshes that sparked my alarm are cunningly located around the approaches to the Arabian Travel Market show, so these might just be pre-summer promotional Modheshes.

GeekFest Dubai - The Skinny

Methinks this GeekFest Dubai (7.30pm, Thursday 28th April at The Usual Old Shelter, Al Qouz) might be a busy one. PLEASE NOTE The Old Shelter is being abandoned, bit by bit, so the space won't be as hyper-funky as usual, the TV screens are out and so on and so on. We've brought back lots of tables, chairs and beanbags and tried to ramp up as much as possible, but there'll be a few cracks here and there and there's not a great deal we can do about that, so no complaining now - you've been warned.

Here's what is UNplanned...

TechnoCase from Shop and Ship
This isn't so much a Technology Showcase as a How To Get Your Technology Showcase. The nice chaps at Shop and Ship are the people who give their customers convenience addresses in Shanghai, London and New York so they can do the e-commerce thing and get their stuff delivered on time, under their control and at decent rates. Shop and Ship aren't just pitching up and previewing their mobile app as part of the mobile app showcase thing we decided to do, they're WAIVING their $35 lifetime signup fee for everyone at GeekFest. This is a good thing.

Mobile Applications Showcase
We've asked a few mobile app developers (let's face it, there still ARE only a few - but more than last year!) to roll up and demo the apps they love so well. I think there will be 4-5 in total - if you know of anyone that should be there but isn't, do let me know! If you're interested in buying application development services and the like, they'll likely want to chat to you as much as you want to chat to them!

@StreetPassDubai
The Nintendo DS and 3DS user group is convening at GeekFest. Watch out for people with unusually developed thumbs and drooling issues.

GameFest
Talking of which, GameFest is also taking place once more, although the old gamer's table has gone so we're just going to have to improvise as best we can! I'm not sure whether the combination of GameFest and StreetPassDubai will result in conflict, critical mass or an outbreak of public bitings, but we can only see what happens...

The 45 GigaPixel Snap
We're showing the unique 20' by 4' printout of Gerald Donovan's Dubai panorama, which was the biggest digital image in the world last year (it has since been eclipsed by a 100 GigaPixel image of London). This print is the first of a once-only edition of ten and Gerald's auctioning it for charity - we want to know which charity, so do be ready to bring along your suggestions!

Talks

As previously advertised, the talks will be taking place in the cinema from 8-9pm. Unlike previous GeekFests, there will now be a hard end to talks at 15 minutes, to be provided by Mr. Rupert Bumfrey. Those of you that know Rupert will know that when I say 'hard end' it's more likely to be 'brutal end'. But what to do? Not one GeekTalk in almost two years of GeekFests has ended on time and people have started to point out that they'd honestly really rather be out socialising than getting caught in over-extended talks. We couldn't agree more - it's a ten minute talk with a five minute Q&A or it's a fifteen minute talk but we have now officially dispensed with the whole hippy idea that people can actually respect each other enough not to talk over their peers' slots without Law being applied. If you'd like to beg for mercy or something, Rupert's available at @rupertbu.

Talks shall include:


World Bloggers Day 
What are we going to do about bloggers?
Ion Gonzaga is by passion and profession a web designer, as well as being a keen blogger and online socialite. He’s been tapped by World Bloggers Day to raise the word among the UAE’s bloggers. How do you want to mark World Bloggers Day? Any ideas? Ion’s looking for feedback and participation alike during this GeekTalk session! If you’re interested, you can check other countries' agendas at www.worldbloggersday.org. There’s already a page created at www.worldbloggersday.org/dubai!

MidEast Posts 
Content aggregation = voices of the region together
Blog aggregator, voice of the region, the Arab Huffington post or an online newspaper? MidEastPosts represents probably the most diverse and vibrant reading from around the Middle East every day. Co-Founder James Mullan takes us through the voices of bloggers from around the region and how MidEast Posts plans to represent those voices.

Voila Dubai 
A community to serve the community
Voila Dubai is a new initiative that plans to bring the city to life through reviews of its places to go and things to do – sharing consumer feedback within a community. Narain Jashanmal explains the idea behind the site – and takes a look at the development of the region’s new digital platforms and innovations.

Malaak, Angel of Peace

The Angel of Peace
Creating content, popularising content, funding content
Malaak, Angel of Peace, is a highly popular Lebanese cartoon strip created by Joumana Medlej, the prolific multimedia and digital artist and graphic designer. The strip has gone from strength to strength, growing in popularity as it has in scope – and is now in its fifth book. Joumana’s travelling from her native Beirut and will be be talking about the story behind Malaak as well as looking at the innovative online fund raising methods she’s now using to fund the new book of the Malaak story. If you'd like to take a look at Joumana's amazing work, you can do no better than go here.


Registration and stuff
As always, there is no registration, no formality, no requirement of you other than to turn up and even that's optional. Catering is from the wonderful folks at LimeTree Café. You can follow @GeekFestDubai on Twitter or find us on Facebook. If you've never been to The Shelter before, there's a map (as well as a funky GeekFest video) on the Shelter website here.

GeekFest will sort of start 7.30pm-ish on Thursday 28th April and will, as usual, end when everyone goes home.

Udate to the Update
At 7.45pm, there's to be a screening of Emirati film maker Ahmad Al Redha's 'Emirati Zombie Movie' in the cinema. So don't be late now! :)

Emirati Activists Arrested

WAM Abu Dhabi, 25 April 2011 (WAM) -- UAE Attorney General Salim Saeed Kubaish has stated that a group of UAE citizens were arrested on order of the public prosecution and questioned in the presence of their lawyers.

He said that Ahmed Mansour Ali Abdullah Al Abd Al Shehi, Nasser Ahmed Khalfan bin Gaith, Fahad Salim Mohammed Salim Dalk, Hassan Ali Al Khamis, all Emiratis, and Ahmed Abdul Khaleq, who does not carry identification papers, were held in preventive custody for investigation for being found committing crimes of instigation, breaking laws and perpetrating acts that pose threat to state security, undermining the public order, opposing the government system, and insulting the President, the Vice President and the Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi.

WAM/TF

WAM is the national news service of the UAE and the above file yesterday confirms what the rumour mill has been talking about for days. One of the men's wife told newspaper 7Days she hadn't seen him since he was arrested on the 8th April but had talked to him on the phone and 'He is OK'. As I know absolutely nothing of the details of this case, there's little I can add of value, except that it will be interesting to see what crimes the men are substantively accused of beyond speech - the freedom of which is enshrined in Article 30 of the UAE's constitution, albeit with the caveat 'within the limits of the law'.

'Misrata Devastation'

This is the front cover of today's Gulf News Paper Edition. You may notice that instead of the expected devastation captioned above, we have a bright yellow sticker advertising Nestlé bottled water. Only when removing the sticker can you see the front page headline picture.

I have railed against this before. I simply can't see how it makes sense for any of the three parties to the transaction. How can it make sense to Gulf News to sell its most valuable editorial real estate like this? Removing the sticker also removes the newsprint below, leaving the image degraded. The message is so far at odds with the content, it's almost ludicrous. This is where the second party to the transaction comes in - how does Nestlé Middle East or Nestlé's agency honestly think it effectively positions the company's brand to have it so strongly associated with negative headlines and editorial connotations?

I have spent years dealing with advertisers who want to promote their products only within the context of the best, most positive and relevant editorial environments, and yet here's Nestlé gladly occupying 'Misrata Devastation'! Are they mad? The irritation provoked by the daft placement of the message, let alone having to remove it, has had nothing but a negative connotation for the Nestlé brand for readers, as far as I can see.

As it happens, this particular example is, I would humbly submit, worse than usual. Do you really want your brand linked to the (appalling) devastation of Misrata? Or the terrifying and saddening events in Syria? But it's never going to be good - front pages are sold on the basis of negative news. When was the last time you saw a pregnant panda leading the news*? It's a no-brainer, surely. The front page is negative and the front page, if the editor has done his/her job, the news we really, really want to see. Not have stickered by inane advertising.

And now last, and I suspect least, we come to the third party to the transaction. The hapless reader/subscriber. In having to remove this silly sticker in order to view the front page of the newspaper, I have been presented with a momentary irritation. I could understand in these internet days of 'freemium' models if I had accepted a downgraded experience in return for a free product, but I didn't. I paid for Gulf News.

And yes, thank you, I do feel better now.

* A caveat to that point is provided by the newspaper that thinks a small boy getting his private parts stuck in his zip is a news story. Perhaps interestingly, the same reporter contributed, seven days earlier, "Emirati Bobbitised by Bangladeshi". It's just the way news breaks, folks. It's not an indication of any sort of fascination...

The Last Geek Fest Dubai

Well, the last one at the ‘old Shelter’ anyway... Yes! It's GeekFest time again - next Thursday, the 28th April, at 7.30PM is to be our last, *sob* GeekFest at the place of its birth!

GeekFest Dubai – Goodbye, dear Old Shelter!

We’re bidding a fond farewell to ‘The Old Shelter’, the next GeekFest Dubai will be at the new, painfully funky venue the Shelter team is constructing elsewhere in Al Quoz – we’ll have details of the amazing ‘New Shelter’ to share on the night. Alongside the Shelter Update, GeekFest will feature a mobile applications showcase (well, why not?), some fabby GeekTalks and The Biggest Picture In The World. What more could you possibly want, folks?

GeekFest Mobile

We’re putting on a mobile showcase for app developers: we’ve invited some of the leading mobile applications developers in Dubai to showcase what they’re up to at GeekFest – including ishopaholic, CareZone, and more! They’ll be demoing apps as well as answering questions about platforms, markets, opportunities and whatever else you want to bug them about. !

Geek Talks

World Bloggers Day 
What are we going to do about bloggers?
Ion Gonzaga is by passion and profession a web designer, as well as being a keen blogger and online socialite. He’s been tapped by World Bloggers Day to raise the word among the UAE’s bloggers. How do you want to mark World Bloggers Day? Any ideas? Ion’s looking for feedback and participation alike during this GeekTalk session! If you’re interested, you can check other countries' agendas at www.worldbloggersday.org. There’s already a page created at www.worldbloggersday.org/dubai!

MidEast Posts 
Content aggregation = voices of the region together
Blog aggregator, voice of the region, the Arab Huffington post or an online newspaper? MidEast Posts represents probably the most diverse and vibrant reading from around the Middle East every day. Co-Founder David Westley takes us through the voices of bloggers from around the region and how MidEast Posts plans to represent those voices.

Voila Dubai 
A community to serve the community
Voila Dubai is a new initiative that plans to bring the city to life through reviews of its places to go and things to do – sharing consumer feedback within a community. Narain Jashanmal explains the idea behind the site – and takes a look at the development of the region’s new digital platforms and innovations.

Malaak, Angel of Peace

The Angel of Peace
Creating content, popularising content, funding content
Malaak, Angel of Peace, is a highly popular Lebanese cartoon strip created by Joumana Medlej, the prolific multimedia and digital artist and graphic designer. The strip has gone from strength to strength, growing in popularity as it has in scope – and is now in its fifth book. Joumana’s travelling from her native Beirut and will be be talking about the story behind Malaak as well as looking at the innovative online fund raising methods she’s now using to fund the new book of the Malaak story.

Stuff

The World’s Largest Picture 
45 Gigapixel image to be auctioned for charity
What do The Next Web, Engadget, CNET, Wired, Gulf News, Gizmodo, Geek.com, The Independent, Popular Science, Petapixel, and countless other websites and publications have in common with HH Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum?

They all covered Gerald Donovan’s amazing panoramic image of Dubai’s skyline (Sheikh Mohammed on his Facebook page!) – at the time of its creation, it was the world’s biggest digital photograph. The 45 GIGApixel image was stitched together from thousands of zoomed images into one enormous, incredibly detailed image. To celebrate the first anniversary of its digital unveiling, Gerald has re-rendered the image using the latest software to correct stitching errors in the original version. And now - for the first time ever - it's being printed.

There will only ever be ten copies printed, each one something like an incredible twenty feet by four feet.

The first signed print, numbered 1/10, will be auctioned for charity, and it’ll be on show for the first time at GeekFest. What we want to know from you is WHICH charity should it be sold off for?

GameFest

Powered by tbreak.com, who are also the team behind GeekFest Abu Dhabi, GameFest will feature, once again, the chance to act like a fool or kill people or even both!

Eats and deets

There is no registration, no formality, no requirement of you other than to turn up and even that's optional. As usual, catering from the wonderful folks at LimeTree Café! There’s bound to be some other stuff cropping up, so do feel free to keep in touch – you can follow @GeekFestDubai on Twitter or find us on Facebook. If you've never been to The Shelter before, there's a map (as well as a funky GeekFest video) on the Shelter website here.

GeekFest will sort of start 7.30pm-ish on Thursday 28th April and will, as usual, end when everyone goes home. The talks will start at 8.00pm and this time we'll be keeping an eye on the clock! You have been warned! :)

I'm Going To Write A Book!

Image via WikipediaHow many times has that thought been thunk? From that point onwards, a number of things can happen. The most likely is nothing whatsoever. The least likely, believe me, is actually finishing the damn thing. And then comes the hard part - if you thought writing 100,000 words of readable prose was daunting, try getting anyone to look at it, let alone agree to represent it. And that's before you even consider whether anyone wants to publish it.

Let alone actually buy it.

Here's my guest post about getting an agent on Australian author Phillipa Fioretti's blog. If this doesn't put you off the idea of writing books, you're probably on the path to success already :)

Dubai Runs Out Of Petrol

Image via WikipediaYou couldn't make it up, could you? Dubai, part of major oil producing nation the United Arab Emirates, has run out of fuel. Seriously. Look, it's in a real, honest-to-goodness newspaper: Dubai's super-smashin' tabloid Seven Days.  

Gulf News, BTW, filed the story as a brief, linked here, nestled at the bottom of page 28 in regional business news.

Now to be honest, this isn't first time we've seen one of the world's richest oil producing nations running out of petrol. I've posted in the past about how ADNOC - the Abu Dhabi National Oil Company - caused massive queues after its pricing policy meant it literally couldn't keep up with demand. And Emarat has had similar problems in the past - last year, queues at the company's pumps were caused by shortages, with explanations differing apparently - This story in GN last year contained this telling quote:

"Emarat is finding it difficult to get bank loans to enable it continue to sell petrol below cost, so it's trying to ration the limited quantity of gasoline it has. The company is incurring a daily loss of about Dh2 million due to the subsidy on the fuel and compensation from other businesses such as convenience stores isn't enough to cover the losses," an Emarat source told Gulf News.

A later version of the story was filed over six hours later. It's the same as the story above except it cites 'technical issues' rather than the subsidy issue discussed in the earlier version of the story. The later file is linked here.Whether the issue was 'technical'or not, GN appears to have accepted the later explanation given by the company of the shortage being caused by a: "technical problems in the logistics supplies of gasoline product in the major reservoirs." rather than the juicier subsidy angle and look forward to 'clarification' at Emarat's convenience.


Gulf News' piece online yesterday gave no reason for Emarat's shortages and 7Days notes Emarat wasn't 'available for comment'. We can only assume 'technical issues' are once again to blame.

As usual, it's the poor old cabbies who are getting screwed over the most. Dubai Transport cabs are restricted to filling up only at Emarat stations, so they're getting increasingly desperate as their fuel gauges hit 'empty' and the forecourts do the same.

Best Burger Bullies Blogger

And you thought that every restaurateur in the Middle East learned a clear lesson from the awful public relations disaster that was triggered when the fools behind Benihana Kuwait decided to try and bully Kuwaiti blogger Mark '2:48AM' Makhoul into retracting a blunt view of their restaurant? Think again.

Omani blogger Omani Cuisine reports receiving an email threatening legal action after posting the unflattering review of Best Burger linked here for your listening pleasure.

The Benihana disaster represented a new low in Middle East media freedoms at a time when we all watched the new highs of Tunis and Tahrir. Let's just hope that the bullies at Best Burger fast come to realise this is not the way to go if you don't want a great deal more unwelcome attention and opprobrium than the original post would have generated - particularly if it had been taken - in the spirit that blog posts are almost invariably intended - as valid customer feedback!

Signed

Image via WikipediaJust a quick note to let you know I have signed with London based literary agent Robin Wade of Wade and Doherty. This means Robin will now exclusively manage the sale of my full-length novels - he's been shopping Beirut at the London Book Fair this week.

After something over 200 rejections (it could actually be as high as 250, but I can't be bothered counting) from agents over the years, it's nice that Beirut has broken through. Robin's looking for interested publishers, so the fat lady hasn't sung yet by any means, but it's a huge step forwards in my goal of getting my books into publication.

Many of those rejections were just a case of me flinging myself repeatedly against the same old walls, knowing no better and learning my lessons the hard way. I'm sure someone more competent could have managed the same progression with a tenth of the knock-backs. But you can't keep a deluded nincompoop down (see my earlier post about the wonders of the Dunning Kruger effect!).

I'm in little doubt about the realities of publishing in the modern world, it's not the road to riches people seem to think it is. But as I told The National's Anna Seaman in the charming profile piece she was so kind to do about me, "The biggest challenge for me at the moment is getting a book published. I'm angry about it; it's something I really want to achieve."

I'll let you know what happens...