April 8th Loometh For Windows XP Users...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

On April the 8th Microsoft will end support for Windows XP and Office 2013.

A lot of people are still using Windows XP and for good reason. And it's not just because they like the Teletubbies' home field on their desktop. The old adage 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' applies in spades - Windows XP was perfectly functional and the iteration of Windows that followed it, the infamous Windows Vista was not terribly functional. Those of us who made the leap and upgraded slavishly to the new new thing almost immediately regretted rushing in where angels fear to tread.

Vista sucked. We were consigned to long, aching pauses as we watched that coruscating blue wheel rotating smugly on the screen we so desperately wanted to be Bill Gates' face. We learned to loathe the smug gits who'd held out and weren't going through our pain. And I'm not even going to talk about what happened next.

Nobody needs to be reminded of the Windows 7 Launch Party. Although if anyone can explain how this ultimate example of gibbering incompetence dressed up as a marketing stunt conceived by a four year old raccoon whose brain has been eaten by vampire slugs hasn't been deleted, I would be grateful.

Now The Ones We Left Behind are being told to upgrade to Windows 8 or face annihilation and exile to The Great Unsupported. I got a spammy mailer from Microsoft Saudi Arabia claiming if I don't upgrade I could face loss of data, lack of connectivity and limited access as well as lack of hardware and software support. It's all a bit of a scare tactic, but XP is now becoming long in the tooth and hasn't seen a service pack since April 2008. Which means XP's been effectively staked out and waiting to die for six years.

The person I feel sorry for in all of this is my mum. She's 87 and she's not about to learn Windows 8.0 so she can shop online (Tesco's online shopping has been a life saver for her) and Skype family and friends. Nice one, Microsoft. Thanks.

I'm buying her an iPad instead. One tiny user, a squillionth of that gargantuan user base. But yet another human story behind the migration away from MS' platform.

Crock

Every morning I connect my laptop to the wireline network in the office. For some reason I can't get wireless to work at work. Every evening I go home and connect to my wireless network. My not at work network works. With one tiny little 'issuette' every time I use it.

For some reason I have always equated Windows Vista to the voice of Barney the Dinosaur. You know that, 'Heyyy, li'l buddy! Let's have some fuuun!' voice.

So every evening, I'm delighted to be told, 'Heeeyyy! Li'l buddy! I don't see no network! You want I look at the proooblem for you? Huh? Huh?'

I have no option but to press 'yes'. Although I know all too well what the problem is.

'Heeeyyy! Li'l buddy! Lookin' for your problem. Hang on tight! Here we gooo!'

Sigh. I know what comes next. Wait as reassuring colours swoosh on the screen.

Ping!

Heeeey! Guess what? I found your prooobleeeem! Your wireless is switched off! Wow! You want I switch it on for you?'

You switched it off without asking me, you fatuous purple bastard. Yes.

'Cool! I switched it on for you and, guess what, I solved your prooobleeem!'

I hate you and want to see you eviscerated slowly using a blunt, rusty fork.

So the cartoon above really cheered me up no end. I do commend to you following the XKCD site, wot is where I got this cartoon from, daily as it consistently rewards. Thanks to Eliot for the tip!