Camels in the Mist

A deep fog descended on the desert this morning, transforming the humdrum drive to work into an oddly silent period of peering through thick, patchy and frequently impenetrable banks of white; the occasional car looming into view out of the miasma, hazard lights flashing.

The short run through the sand in the fog is a gamble: if there's anyone stuck in your path you'd likely be fast following them, with visibility down to about four or five metres and decision making time cut to zero. The need to maintain momentum makes it hard to pick your way through the sandy humps as gingerly as you'd perhaps like.

And then the run through the sands around Khawaneej, lighter fog here for some reason (it obviously fogs less in Dubai than Sharjah for the same reason that it floods less and smells less. Because Dubai is, well, just better. No?) and then the smell of woodsmoke carried on the still air and, I swear it, the smell of camels. There are so many camel camps around, you can actually smell them. And it's an oddly comforting, warm smell on this cool, silent, tranquil and misty morning.

New Blog Gets Glittering Gala Launch

Last night saw the glittering gala dinner launch of new Dubai food blog, The Fat Expat at the Fairmont Hotel, Dubai. The red carpet was worn to shreds by the sheer weight of expensive leather that travelled up it as the paps snapped like the snarling gang of flash-happy jackals that they are and the greeting line’s arms and cheek muscles were aching, sore and in one case left in spasms with the sheer amount of celebrity meeting and greeting before the glamour of the evening kicked in.

OK, so I lied. Last night saw me and HMHB having a few drinks and wrangling over restaurants and chefs and things as well as lifting a glass to the new Blog. Thanks to 7Days, by the way!!!

Talking of new sites and snappers, do please dedicate a few minutes to going here. This is the new, fabby and generally phototabulous website of the highly talented Taline Jones (nee Tutunjian), also known as ‘T’ and ‘that girl over there just swore at me!’, depending on who you’re talking to at the time. T is a dear friend, ex-colleague and deeply talented photographer and anyone who’s got any sense will wire her thousands of pounds to have her on retainer right away.

Toasts all round, then!

A New Blog is Born!

Today is a momentous day, as it marks the launch of a new Blog dedicated to broadcasting the lunatic babbling of not one but two blogging types to the world. Yes, myself and HalfManHalfBeer are collaborating on a new Blog designed to indulge our shared unhealthy and obsessive interest in all things food-related.

The Fat Expat will contain regularly posted recipes, articles about food, restaurant reviews and more. More? Yes! More!

We’re aiming to have a great deal of fun with the format, including special promotions, cook-offs, recipe competitions and, I hope, an increasingly off-the-wall selection of content. There are already over 100 recipes posted up there in the archive, more than yer average cook-book, and we’re hoping to add loads more, together with bringing more contributors to the Blog.

So if you like Arabic food, pies, barbecues, eating out around the world, reading cranky restaurant reviews or prefer to dabble in a delicious assortment of Asian splendours then drop on by to the The Fat Expat!

UAE Banks Can Disable Cars? NO! NO! NO!

The People’s Newspaper, Emirates Today, has once again pipped its rivals to the post with a smashing front page lead today. The story is that some daft company has launched a new device that will disable your car if you default on your car loan – and it’s already been adopted, according to ET, by two of the UAE’s lenders. The story is, oddly, wholly uncritical and unquestioning of the device and its aims.

Letting UAE banks disable cars? This is beyond unbelievable.

If the UAE’s lenders were capable of administering their way out of a wet paper bag, you could see where this system might – I said might – have some utility. But there are two teensy-weensy problems I can see in this – quite apart from the issue of who meets the extra expense of having the device (let me guess here…ummm… the customer?) or getting the thing installed it what is intended to be your car without them smashing holes all over the dashboard.

Firstly, let’s bear in mind the fact that we all have to write cheques to guarantee the loan here in the UAE (either 24, 36 or 48 individual cheques, depending on the loan term, or a single cheque for the full amount, which is becoming more common). The thinking behind this, which has worked just fine so far, is that if you bounce a cheque in the UAE you’re potentially in for major trouble – the police can be called and you can be imprisoned - if you do it twice, your banking facilities are suspended.

So loans here are about as secure as it’s possible for them to be. You default, the cheque is presented and bounces and you get a call from the boys in green. So banks don’t actually have any real need to have this device installed.

Secondly, UAE banks are in, my personal experience at least, incapable of administering the most basic of financial transactions without screwing them up and turning their customers’ lives into a hell of petty-fogging bureaucracy that would make the average Byzantine blanch. Specialising in rote process without empowerment, idiotic beyond measure and unhelpful to the point of inviting violence, banks here should not be allowed to go anywhere near people’s cars, let alone be given the ability to disable them.

Apparently rent-a-car companies are also using the system. I can see where that works. But banks? No, no and a thousand times no. I'd pay cash rather than put them in the position of being able to interfere with my car!

A Grave Situation

I have long been impressed by an American epitaph, apparently engraved on the poor woman’s gravestone. It struck me so much that I can recite it even today:

Here lies the body of Mary Anne Lowder
Who burst whilst drinking a Seidlitz Powder
Laid in this grave to her heavenly rest
She should have waited ‘till it effervesced

It's TRUE. I swear to God.

Well, now I’ve found a better one. Well, Sarah actually found it. But how’s this for your last earthly inscription:

Beneath in the dust,
the mouldy old crust
Of Moll Batchelor late was shoven
Who was skilled in the arts of pyes, custards and tarts
And every device of the oven.
When she’d lived long enough, she made her last puff
A puff by husband much praised
And here she doth lie and makes a dirt pye
In hopes that her crust may be raised.

It is to be hoped that Moll didn’t succumb to one of her own pies. Both inscriptions are perfectly genuine, apparently, and are sourced.

As we’re on the subject of being amused whilst dying, the ‘best epitaph of all time’ award still goes to comedian Spike Milligan, whose gravestone reads, in Irish: Duirt me leat go raibh me breoit

“I told you I was ill.”

The fact that it's my birthday tomorrow has NOT influenced the subject of this post... >;0)

Media Regulation and Freedom in the UAE

Sorry, this is a long post.

There was another scurry of activity in Dubai last night as media gathered for a meeting with HH General Sheikh Mohammad and Sheikh Abdulla Bin Zayed Al Nahan last night. The news of the gathering, which ran big in media here today (with, oddly, the exception of Emirates Today), revolved around further clarifications of the position regarding the rights and responsibilities of media in the UAE. That position was certainly made clearer on the news that the UAE Journalists' Association had put forward a voluntary code of conduct which has been adopted by the leading daily newspapers in the country. That code is given below in full.

Although by no means the entire story or solution, the code is presumably an attempt to move in the direction of a self-regulating media. That attempt comes prior to the publication of the much anticipated new media law, which may well render the code of conduct redundant on many points. In the meantime, there is at least a level of guidance now available for journalists and others working in the UAE media industry.

The below text is a cut and paste of that available at Gulf News' website. I do find it interesting that the focus is consistently not on the rights, roles and credibility of journalism, but on what journalists should not do and how they should not behave or act.

The desire to reconcile a belief in media freedom and a capable media together with attitudes and requirements of a conservative, albeit highly tolerant, society in a region where media freedom is at best patchy is not an easy thing to manage. It is a process I have seen developing for something like 20 years now and it's like watching Eensy Weensy Spider...


The Code of Ethics

The undersigned, board members of the Journalists Association and editors in chief of newspapers and publications, and out of belief in our responsibility towards the public and society, and the basis of journalism, on top of which is commitment to the truth and principles of freedom, justice, values, ethics and respect of law, approve the “Journalism Code of Ethics" and undertake to:

1. Respect the truth and the right of the public to have access to the true and accurate information.
2. While performing his duty, the journalist is demanded to commit himself at all times to the principles of freedom and integrity in gathering and publishing stories. He should also voice fair and neutral comments and criticism.
3. A journalist must only publish facts from sources known to him, and must not hide any basic and important information, forge facts of falsify documents.
4. He should use only legitimate means to obtain information, photos and documents from original sources.
5. Publishing news and information of pictures must be examined carefully for accuracy, and their true meaning must not be altered by editing, title or photo comment. All documents must be edited accurately, and any uncertified reports, rumours or speculations must be reported as such. If re-edited or reproduced material was used as a symbolic picture, it should be made clear through the comment that it is not a documentary picture.
6. Journalists undertake to rectify any published information that proved to be wrong and harmful to others.
7. There should be no compromise in credibility.
8. Respecting privacy is a main principle in the profession and journalists should respect the privacy of individuals and not expose it by publishing any thing without the consent of those individuals. If personal conduct over crosses with public interest, such conduct may be covered without violating the personal rights of uninvolved individuals.
9. In regards to the news source, the code and charter stress that Professionalism and confidentiality should be strictly observed if the source demands anonymity. The journalist has every right to present evidence or expose their source without the source’s consent.
10. Journalists should not seek to provoke or inflame public feelings by any means or use means of excitement and deception or dishonest reporting. They should not use media organs for purpose of libel or slandering.
11. The edited publications should not be influenced by personal interests or businesses with a third party. Publishers and editors-in-chief must turn down any such attempts, and draw a clear line between reported stories and commercial articles or publications.
12. Journalists should be very vigilant to traps of discrimination and avoid involving themselves by any means in any stories hinting to discrimination of race, sex, language, faith or national and social backgrounds.
13. They must be aware that a suspect is innocent until proven guilty, thus names and photos of suspects should not be published until a final verdict is issued.
14. In crimes and issues dealing with children, names and photos should not be published.
15. Journalists must be very careful in their personal relationships with news sources so as these bonds can not impact the Partiality.
16. The media should refrain from publishing photos of brutal violence and respect the feeling of the public especially children.
17. Journalists are urged to avoid using offending and obscene language in their reports.
18. Islam is a basic and important component of UAE culture, values and traditions, and the respect of divine religions and traditions and values of nations takes centre stage at the mandatory code of ethics of the media and should not be offended or desecrated by any forms.
19. Human rights should also be respected and valued and should not be abused by the media under any pretext.
20. Plagiarism, ill-intention interpretation, libel, slandering, censure, defamation, allegation and accepting bribery to publish or hide information are all dangerous professional violations.
21. When using facts published by competitors, journalists must give credit to the competitor.
22. Competing for news, pictures and information is a right, provided practicing such competition is honest and clear and does not hinder the work of colleagues in competing publications.
23. A journalist has to do his best not to become part of a story, and to cover news not make them. While gathering information, a journalist may not present himself as anything other than a journalist.
24. Coverage of medical cases must not be sensational, as this can lead to spreading fear or unrealistic hope among readers. Publishing the first stage of results of researches and medical achievements must not be portrayed as final and undisputed.
25. Journalists must not acquire information or pictures through harassment, temptation or violence.
26. Accepting valuable cash and kind gifts may cause a journalist to be biased in his coverage and is considered breach of the code. This does not apply to souvenir gifts given to the public.

UAE Facebook Ban Shock Horror Rubbish

Today’s Khaleej Times decorated its front page with a breathless little story about a ban on Facebook: ‘Facebook Users Face Orkut Fears’ the headline trumpets. Well, not really trumpets. More like bugles, a sort of reedy, tinny, parping sound.

The story is one of those that should have been strangled at birth. There have been connectivity issues over the past few days from the UAE, likely a router or two taken out over in the US and a number of links, and therefore a number of sites, have consequently been up and down and on and off.

So Facebook users in the UAE have been rushing off to their favourite place and finding the site’s just timing out on them. And, according to KT, they’ve been scared that this means Facebook, as Orkut was before it, has been banned for being a ‘dating site’.

It is perhaps worth mentioning that the whole Web 2.0 adoption thing in the UAE is being slightly held back by the fact that many cool Twitter-like things have been banned because they encourage ‘dating’.

When the UAE content filter decides that something’s just too naughty or interesting to be looked at by our delicate, tender little eyes, the site gets blocked and you get the above, quite distinctive, message on your screen. The lack of such a message (sites affected over the past couple of days have just been timing out. I’ve personally been having huge issues with Blogger, Google and Yahoo at various times) is something that the Facebook users fearing a ban have presumably been failing to think through.

Contacting the telco (Etisalat) and the regulator, KT’s reporter was told by both that there was no ban in place and that there had been connectivity issues. The regulator told KT that readers having access issues could use the Du network instead, which did rather make me chuckle given the user feedback we’ve been seeing here on FPS. Most people would conclude at that stage that they had a non story on their hands, rather than a front page blast as the story really boils down to ‘Stupid People Find Nothing is Happening’.

Or, perhaps, if you wanted to run with it and be sensible: ‘UAE Internet Failures Irk Users’.

Salik Reprised

Pretty much every Dubai blog has posted loads of grumpy stuff about Salik, the glorious answer to Dubai traffic blues, this one being no exception. I've desisted for some time now, precisely because pretty much anything useful or interesting that could be said had been said.

But I couldn't resist this.

This is a photograph of the Garhoud Road just before you get to Wafi, taken during 'home time' this week. Don't worry, I wasn't taking a photograph whilst moving. The traffic had just started a jerk forwards for a few yards before it stopped again. The left hand lane was crawling in a start/stop action.

See? Salik IS working!!!

"Yaa Boo Sucks to You!" - Bush Gets Tough

According to reports from Voice of America, Iran's parliament has passed a resolution calling on the government to designate the United States Army and Central Intelligence Agency as "terrorist organizations."

This information comes to me courtesy of pal and deliciously manic pixie Sara Refai, who occasionally surfs the Internet looking for odd things, like a sort of collector of informational fag butts. I mean fag butts in the British rather than American sense, obviously.

The Iranian resolution, according to VoA, was approved Saturday by 215 lawmakers in Iran's 290-seat parliament, which is dominated by conservatives. The resolution says the U.S. Army and CIA should be considered terrorists because they provide support to Israel in its operations against Palestinian and Lebanese militants. The move is in retaliation for the the Bush administration branding the Iranians terrorists. The administration apparently said in August it is considering designating all or part of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards as a terrorist organization.

So the US calls Iran terrorists and Iran calls the US terrorists and that's supposed to take us forwards. Am I the only person in the world, I wonder, who worries that the people with their hands on those nasty little red buttons appear to think they're still on the playground?

Gross Stupidity

144 posts by me. Gross stupidity indeed...