Piers Morgan on Dubai

I sat at a table in Jumeirah's Lime Tree Café, two anxious looking chaps from the production company facing me.

"So. Will you do it?"

"Look, I know Piers. I've worked with him on his media relations here. He'd burn me for thirty seconds' good TV. I do recognise that."

"No, no, no. You don't understand! Piers has changed!"

That made me belly laugh. I've been laughing about it since.

Piers Morgan is the famous former Daily Mirror editor who was sacked after a splash he ran about British soldiers allegedly abusing Iraqi prisoners was rubbished by the authorities. One moment he was a successful editor and public figure who'd do tea with the Blairs, the next a jobless has-been; Morgan picked himself up from the floor and has built a new and highly successful career in TV. The whole story is documented in his excellent and frequently wickedly funny memoir, The Insider: The Private Diaries of a Scandalous Decade. Love him or hate him (and, like Marmite and Clarkson, he polarises opinion), Piers came through the experience stronger and with a definite sense that he's seen the worst they can do to him and to hell with them all. I quite like him for that.

I did, in the end, agree to appear in Piers Morgan on Dubai. Filmed in luscious HD, the program looks at the glamour and fun of life in Dubai. Why on earth they wanted to talk to me (unglamorous and unfun), I don't know, but I thought it would be a chance to balance some of the egregious erks they'd undoubtedly pick up on with something at least down to earth.

Anyway, I'm a tart like that.

We drove out into the desert, a mirror-mounted camera filming me responding to our man, sitting in the back, asking questions. As we drove up into the dunes, Piers teased me about wasting my time driving around in this big sandpit. And then, as we flipped neatly over the crest of the dune and sailed down the leeward side into a huge bowl, you should (depending on the caprices of the editing room floor) hear Piers saying something like 'Erk!'.

Having just recovered from the not inconsiderable injuries sustained when he fell off a Segway, Piers didn't take very well to offroading, I have to say. It was quite an effort to get him back into the car once we'd got out to film an interview in the dunes.

We talked about stuff like groaning infrastructure, media freedom and blogging. To be honest, all these weeks later, I can't quite remember what we talked about. But at the end, Piers pulled a trick in response to my assertion that I had never been 'yanked' by the authorities for blogging - he nodded behind me and told me to look at the two guys from the Ministry of Information coming over the dunes behind me. I didn't, so he repeated it. I turned round and thereby gave them the ideal shot to end the piece: cut well, it'll look like I'm turning around in fear.

That's TV, I'm afraid. If that's how they cut it, that's fine by me. But it ain't the 'truth', folks.

Anyway, if anyone sees it on ITV tonight, please do feel free not to tell me all about it. Oh! And the production company still owes me a quid...

Bookworm

If any of you have been at all interested in any way whatsoever about the stuff I've been posting regarding Harper Collins' authonomy, then you might be interested in this guest post on Eoin Purcell's blog.

Everyone else can just carry on as normal. There's nothing for you to see here. Move along, now. Move along.

Snicket Watch

Three new routes through the barriers open up over the past 72 hours, all three blocked by the unseen hands of evil during the day today. But some wag finds a weakness and we all get through again.

All your base are belong to us! Ha!

No Shit, Sherlock

Today's edition of The National carries the stunning headline, 'Property Adspend Plunges'.

WTF? OMG!

We all love a downturn story, right? But when you pass filler ads crying out for you to call the outdoor company as you drive down the Sheikh Zayed Road and spot gigantic billboards on the way up to Mirdif begging you to 'advertise here', you can maybe get the inkling that we may be onto a trend here.

Gulf News (700g) is down to almost half its 2008 pagination, while the (700g) refers to its weight today compared to the 1.3kg weight of GN and its regular advertising supplements in November last year. Al Nisr's 'Property Weekly' is down from a December 2008 156 pages and a 54% ad/ed ratio to 84 pages and a 41% ad/ed ratio. They're pulling in something like 49 pages less a week in advertising. And December was weak for the magazine, which was pushing higher paginations earlier in the year.

And you need a bloke from PARC to tell you that property advertising's on the way down? Do me a lemon, guv!

“Before, papers were more than 120 pages, with a lot of advertising, but now all of this is reduced,” PARC's Mr Jichi told The National's Keach Hagey, throwing caution to the winds and baring his soul in a mad, confessional moment.

Memories of 2008. The sound of air being sucked through teeth and quiet, confident laughter: "SZR circuit, mate? You alright to wait for six months? That's for the premium payers, like. If you want standard rate it could be a year or more. Of course, if you were feeling generous, if you know what I mean, we could maybe get it down to five months and a bit, you know?"

Today's Gulf News carries a supplement for the Abu Dhabi Real Estate and Investment Show, which will run from the 27-29 Jan at the Abu Dhabi NEC. It's all of 16 pages. Listening to real estate people talking up the market for the next three days is going to be interesting.

Blog Crazy

I'm going blogpost bonkers today, aren't I?

I just had to share this news. I posted about football coach David Nicholson back when they had the fun run at Safa Park to raise funds for him. Today's Gulf News (800g) carries the very welcome news that David's been able to return to the UK for treatment following the fundraising efforts that raised over Dhs200,000 to enable him to be treated. Thanks to a team of close friends, led tirelessly by Susie Kermanschahchi, he'll now get the best treatment without everyone having to worry about who's going to pay the bill.

David is in a coma and has been since he suffered a heart attack last November. He couldn't afford health insurance because of his ongoing medical condition: he had bad arthritis. All the very best to him for a recovery now he's back home.

Identity

I'd just like to say that the Emirates' Identity Card website thingy appears to be working and I've just used it to book two appointments for myself and Sarah. They're both at Rashidiya in April, because Sharjah is apparently booked all year, but I'm not complaining. They're both on different days, too, because there were no contiguous appointments, but I'm not complaining. And the system just wouldn't buy a family application for two people, but I'm not complaining.

Now we can go an use the new and enhanced application application.

It looks as if it might go right this time. The site's here. I even got a text from them confirming the appointment a few minutes after I'd completed the form.

Yayyy!!!

Speed and the Barrier

How do you manage a ‘social media’ campaign? The breaking down of barriers that Internet communication has encouraged is probably faster and more fundamental than many communications managers realise. One major problem is the challenge of speed – you can no longer take a few days to respond to a media enquiry while your exec finishes travelling or deals with ‘more important’ business. In a social media environment, people expecting total access and answerability from your organisation are beating on the door right now. There’s no gatekeeper anymore, remember?

It’s also worth bearing in mind that social media is user-driven so you’re leading a conversation and, like all conversations, it will have ebbs and flows. You can’t expect relentless positivity but are aiming to have an overall dialogue that puts your position and proposition.

Another issue facing social media campaign managers is that of approvals. In the old paradigm, your agency made sure that every single communication was approved. It would never do, for instance, for the agency to be speaking in your place. And agencies, for their part, wanted to be indemnified from clients’ actions and liabilities. If you’re running a campaign that cuts across websites and interactive, ‘social’ media, someone needs to be posting, responding, commenting, Tweeting, filming and uploading content on your behalf. And that either means that you, as a campaign ‘manager’ need to be 100% engaged 24x7 in your campaign or you need to redefine the rules so that your agency has a wider scope of responsibility, empowerment and response-ability. That means you have to let your agency take more risks on your behalf, and therefore that your agency is sufficiently indemnified to take those risks. Dispensing with indemnity can be an expensive game for the hapless communicator.

Likewise, you need to be sure that you’re working with an agency that understands those risks, that gets where the pain points of social communication lie, but also that understands the issues of corporate governance in this changing environment as well as new expectations of corporate behaviour. It can be a complicated trade-off – ensuring that the company is answerable at every level and yet also responsive at every level, that it is transparent and yet decisive and that it communicates with its stakeholders appropriately, despite the immediacy and ubiquity of online ‘social’ access.

This piece originally appeared as one of the chucklesomely named 'A Moment with McNabb' columns in Campaign Middle East magazine.

Snow!

No words.

Amazing pictures in both the Gulf News (800g) and The National. Apparently only the second time this has happened in recorded history!

Sexist

Look, I know I go on and on about radio advertising in Dubai. But this is really too much.

Man: (sings) Happy anniversary to you!
Woman: Thank you honey!
Man: Now, close your eyes! I have a surprise for you.
Woman: OK!
Man: Open your eyes! You wanted a new refrigerator and washing machine. Here they are!
Woman: Wow! A new LG steam washing machine and a side by side refrigerator. Can we afford both?
Man: Of course! Exchange any old washing machine or refrigerator and bring a new LG washing machine or refrigerator. As part as part of their five year leadership celebration, LG is offering three exciting rewards. We also get an extended warranty on LG home appliances.
Woman: Wow!
Man: Plus we get free one year's supply of detergent powder for washing machine and a microwave oven for the fridge
Woman: Fantastic! Honey, this is the best anniversary ever!
Man: Add magic to your festivities with LG's exchange offer! Pre-register by calling blblabla. Conditions apply. LG. Caring for you in every way.

I shall refrain from adding any comment beyond noting that the woman sounds like a helium breathing chipmunk on speed and the man is excruciatingly wooden. There are no typos, this is an accurate transcription apart from the word 'steam' which I can't quite make out but which sounds like steam.

Law

A great day for press freedom in the UAE?

The UAE media law passed through the Federal National Council yesterday and the newspapers, struggling to find any positive angle on the story, can only reiterate that the new law means that journalists won't face jail terms 'for carrying out their duties'.

The draft law just needs to be ratified by the cabinet and the President to pass onto the statute books. There has been a great deal of unhappiness expressed by the newspapers over the new law, which replaces the positively archaic 'old media law' of 1980. You can find an e-copy of the old law here and wonder for yourself at how much has changed. Or then again, perhaps not.

I tried, but failed, to find a copy of the new law anywhere, but The National does give more information on its provisions that anyone else today. Sure enough, the law stipulates fines of between Dhs 50,000 to Dhs 1 million for, to quote the Khaleej Times: "...newspapers or the rest of media, or the employees of the same receiving aid or donation, or similar benefits from foreign entity without the permission of the Council; repeating publishing or launching press campaigns with bad faith, and after being warned by the Council, in a way that demerit the reputation of the country, or its foreign relations and contacts, or violates its public order, or distort its national identity; publishing news that mislead the public opinion, in a way that harm the national economy of the country; carrying false news with knowledge; violating the conditions and restrictions stipulated for practising media activities governing the licence in regard."

The law would be enforced through the courts and not by the National Media Council (NMC), which drafted it. Journalists and editors alike have expressed dismay at the lack of clarity in the law. The editorial in today's The National makes the point: "Yet the new press law, approved yesterday by the FNC and sent to the cabinet for ratification, is unclear about what a newspaper can be punished for, and how it defines whether a newspaper has published information damaging to the country’s reputation or economy. The financial system should react to just the kind of information we print in our business pages every day. And if we are not distributing information that influences the choices people make in the marketplace, then we are not doing our job."

As far as I can see, the law makes no reference to the 'e-world' and remains firmly rooted in the idea that 'the media' is content produced by licensed entities that squash ink onto dead trees and that would be held to account according to the terms of their trade license.

Where does that leave someone writing a blog, commenting on a forum or posting up to You Tube? Where does it leave the UAE's fast-growing band of Twitterers or the groups of unhappy residents airing their grievances online? Where does it leave someone posting a comment to a blog, tagging a photo, founding a snarky Facebook group (like this or this!) or publishing an e-book?

It leaves us all relatively unsure of quite where we stand, that's where, with a court system that has no provision in law whatever for online activity, a judiciary that is unlikely to be trained or cogniscent of online systems and a minimum fine of Dhs 50,000. Oh, and that's assuming that a 'blogger' will be treated as a 'journalist' and not just an unlicensed entity.

In short, I suspect it rather leaves us all, journalists and others, exactly where we were in 1980, except that now we (possibly) can't go to prison - until, of course, we can't find Dhs 1 million and then we'll presumably be banged up anyway for defaulting on the fine.

BTW, I am mildly surprised that none of our media have pressed the point about the media law and how the National Media Council views the online world. It's really quite important, chaps...