PR, Advertising and Damn Lies

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I occasionally appear as a guest lecturer at EMDI, the Insititute for Media and Communication. This gives me the chance to rage at classes of stunned-looking students, somewhat in the manner of 'Hitler discovers public relations', for a good couple of hours. It's not unusual for me to see them looking like they're about to reach for the mace but don't want to be impolite. I usually work with the PR stream, but have also talked to the events management bunch and also the advertising lot.

It was when talking to the advertising stream that I was asked the question, 'Yes, but isn't public relations just lying?'

The question stopped me in my tracks, I can tell you. I realised that standing there in front of the class just looking like an electrocuted guppy at the girl who had asked the question was beginning to look rude and pulled myself together.

My answer was something along these lines. In all my time as a public relations practitioner, I have never told a lie in my professional life. I have told the truth from all sorts of angles, have highlighted the positive at the expense of the negative and have generally promoted the bejaysus out of all sorts of things, but I have never told anyone an untruth. I have never made a claim I cannot demonstrate or an assertion without proof.

PR cannot function on untruth. You have to have fact - incontrovertible, provable, demonstrable fact to back up your assertions and arguments. If you say you're the market leader, you have to be able to prove it. If you say this product has positive medical benefits, you have to be able to stand them up with research, expert endorsements and the like. Without the facts, PR falls down - publicly, embarrassingly and disastrously. That's one of the reasons we have journalists - to test this stuff and make sure that it passes a standard that our public can accept. Believe me, there's nothing a journalist likes to find more than a PR pushing a lie.

And yet this assertive question comes at me from someone about to embark on a career in an industry that is based on direct lies, telling absolute untruths and misleading people as its most fundamental tenet. The sloganeering of the advertising industry, the use of deliberately misleading images, words, phrases and ambitional role models has never been less than mendacious.

A Mars a day helps you work rest and play. Remember that one? Does it? Really? Or does a Mars a day slap your waddling, sedentary body with 245 calories and a fat content of almost a quarter of its overall volume?

What about Axe? (Or Lynx in some markets) The clear inference is constantly drawn in its campaigns that using the product will pull you chicks. It's so clear that an Indian man is suing Unilever because he's been spraying himself with ammonium skunkate or whatever the stuff is made out of for seven years and hasn't pulled. It's a clear lie - a deodorant won't pull women or make them go crazy. Oh, sure, it's ironic and created for purposes of amusement only. It's playful! But your job isn't amusing, people it's selling. And you're playing with a product benefit that doesn't exist - it's not provable. Show us that 9 out of 10 women find men who wear Axe are hotter than men who don't and you're home and dry.

Or what about all the 'feminine products' that let you be the woman you are? Or the antibacterial airfreshener that makes you a better mum? Or the cheesy Italian stereotypes that punt their animated schtick to pimp a tomato sauce with an Italian name that's made by a British corporate to a recipe conceived in Australia? Wear the Dolmio smile? My butt. What about the yummy seafood for cats that has barely any fish in it - a great case study of how image and language are combined in advertising and product definition to wilfully and knowingly mislead consumers? Or the hair products advertised by a celebrity wearing a wig that looks better than her real hair? Truth?

I'm not going to get bogged in examples - there are a million of them out there. The fact is that advertising has held the megaphone for so long, it is no longer able to see the growing tide of consumers unhappy with being screamed at with slogans that we know don't reflect reality. But consumer voice is growing even in the Middle East, let alone in markets such as Europe (where consumer voice tends to be stronger, oddly, than the US).


We have become used to accepting that companies make claims in their advertising that are simply unsustainable. However, more and more consumers are unwilling to meekly accept those claims - the number of visits to this blog alone researching Pringles and their contents as well as Aquafina, the tap water that would like you think it was natural - are testament to that. And now I'm getting hit after hit on American Food is Crap. People are waking up to this stuff - and to the fact that they're being sold a pup by the advertising industry.

Do PRs tell lies? No, they don't. When they do, they get caught and exposed - and quite right too. Now what's happening is we're starting to apply the same standards to high street brands and, yes, to advertising. We are starting to demand more honesty, more transparency and better standards of accountability.

I'm not saying we should take the creativity out of advertising and promotion. Far from it. But I am saying that you need to base your creative treatments on the truth and not unsustainable assertions - or lies, as I prefer to call them.

Books, Books, Books!

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

I have written about Dragon International Independent Arts before. Dragon was founded out of frustration at Harper Collins' authonomy, one of a number of initiatives to have been born out of the great coming together of writers that authonomy has caused. Strangely, I believe these grassroots movements of writers are doing more to define the future of publishing than companies like Harper Collins, still mired (as is much of the publishing industry) in offline thinking. And I am pleased to be able to tell you all that Dragon, for one, is doing very well indeed, thank you.

Founded by SarahJane Heckscher-Marquis, Dragon set out to establish a viable small independent publisher that would give people access to books of quality that had been overlooked by 'the machine', breaking down the barriers between readers and the books they want to read - as Dragon itself has it, 'Books for people who love books'. Sarah's brave move saw a number of the more interesting books on authonomy get put into print. Check them out:

Harbour
Paul House

Set in wartime Hong Kong under threat of Japanese invasion, this is a lush period piece and one of the many books on authonomy that I'd have bought if I had the chance. And now I do - you can buy the paperback here and the good news is that delivery to the UAE (or anywhere else in the world) is free!

1812
M.M. Bennetts

Now I'm going to come right out and say it: this isn't my kind of book. It's a huge historical novel set in the middle of the Napoleonic wars - but it's flawlessley written: I can remember one review on authonomy that made the point that there wasn't a single word out of place in the book and the Historical Novel Review called it 'compelling' and 'vivid'. If you 'do' historical novels, you can buy the paperback here.


Pistols for Two, Breakfast for One
Matthew Dick

Matthew Dick's a silly bugger and much of his silly buggeriness is evident in his excellent book. I remember first reading this book on authonomy and enjoying myself immensely. It's engaging, funny, swaggeringly well-written and redolent of the rather wonderful Terry Thomas school of absolute caddery as it follows the cowardly career of Hugo Hammersley, devious swine and serial womaniser. Buy it here.

Who must I kill to get published?
Jason Horger

There are 10,000-odd manuscripts languishing in the great online slushpile that is authonomy, so it's a dead cert that there are 10,000 people out there asking themselves this very question. A wannabe author finally finds an agent interested in his book only for the agent to turn up dead. Again, a book that was widely admired in its time on authonomy and a very popular one, too - perhaps because it's written with flair and a light, deft touch that is eminently readable. It's also funny and buyable here.

These first four Dragon titles were released in November and are available to bookshops throughout the UK thanks to a distribution deal that Dragon has done with Central Books - and, of course, globally online as the links above prove - don't forget that free delivery now!

Kindle versions will be available from April, too.

Now there's news that Dragon is to publish a further two titles - Heikki Hietala's Tulagi Hotel and Greta van de Rol's Die a Dry Death. Again, both books were popular reads on authonomy.

In fact, SJ has done a neat job of cherry-picking some of the better books from the authonoslush, books that bobbed at the top of the 10,000-odd hopefuls and that stood out because they had that 'something' that makes you want to read the damn thing.

I had originally seen authonomy as a fascinating exercise in democratising publishing through the crowdsourcing that many companies are now finding is an important asset - listening to customers in order to define products and services that better suit their requirements. It's a great use for social media, for instance.

Fed up with being offered discounted copies of Katie Price's ghost-written pap and worse, I had thought the idea of actually selecting books through a filter of peer-review could shake things up a little. That wasn't authonomy's aim, as it turned out, but it is Dragon's and the fact that the company has not only survived but is expanding its list (they're also getting involved in non-fiction and possibly even film) to other media is something I am following with great interest and a raa raa for the li'l guy.


 

GeekFest Cometh

GeekFest Dubai is happening this Thursday, the 25th Feb at The Shelter in Al Qouz. Titled GeekFest 3.14 (Geek to the Power of Pi), it promises to be a fun evening of stuff, including pie (of course), a TechnoCase from Buffalo Technologies and some random arty stuff as well as a chance to hang around and chat to fellow minded online people. We've only got the one TechnoCase because the other two confirmed verbally and then decided not to do it at the last minute, meaning that nobody else got the chance. Thanks for that, chaps. If anyone does want to do a TechnoCase on Thursday, we've got space.

The stars of the show, as always, will be the GeekTalks - once again four talkers will share insight, viewpoint and erudition in equal measures. This time around we're staggering the talks a little so that we don't get so many of the usual "I couldn't get a seat in the cinema all evening" complaints, so there'll be two talks starting at 8pm and two starting at 9pm. We'd like your views on that arrangement and are totally up for changing it to something everyone thinks is more sensible!

The GeekTalks

Do you need a business plan? 
Rabea Ataya

Entrepreneurs are continually told to create a business plan as the first step in preparing for success.  When is a business plan a valuable exercise? When does it lead to the failure of a business?  What are the requisites to a useful plan?  How have the most successful businesses in the world risen to the top without business plans?

Rabea Ataya is the founder and CEO of Bayt.com and is passionate about promoting entrepreneurship and youth employment in the region. He got nominated by Dan Stuart.


Islamic Pampers Design
Mohammed F. Al-Awadhi

In his presentation Mohammed will be touching upon topics that are part of people's daily life. We will see how Islam plays a major role in peoples lives and how changing the design of pampers targets certain people. He will also answer some questions that come in people’s minds in regards to Emarati looks. 

Mohammed Farshid Al-Awadhi is an Emarati architect and entrepreneur. He has established 2 companies, Toolz technical services and KZA Architects. He is also president of the MBA Club in the American University of Dubai and is one of the board directors of the Architectural Association of UAE [AAUAE]. He got nominated by Omran Al Owais.

Student Radio
Muhammed Ali J (better known to many as @maliZOMG) & Ritesh J

Between the both of them, Muhammed and Ritesh have experienced the entire private education system in the UAE, from prep school to their undergraduate degrees. In this time they noticed how, more often than not, students were not taken seriously or given the opportunity to grow. Ritesh & Muhammed Ali will share their thoughts on an online radio station, broadcasting for students, student issues and student life in the UAE. We’ll also get to hear a little bit more about their pet project ZOMG! Inc. They got nominated by us.

From FAIL to Fame &Back Again: Random Adventures in AmazingLand
Susan Macaulay

Susan Macaulay (aka AmazingSusan) is a wannabe geek and creator of amazingwomenrock, a website for amazing women and those who appreciate them. A quirky rebel with a cause; passionate about #PINK, womens' issues, learning and life, Susan stumbles around blindly on Twitter and Facebook bumping into cool people, ideas, and stuff. Has so far managed to avoid a major crash. She'll be talking about the amazingwomenrock project - where it came from, where it's at and where it's going! Susan got nominated by us too!

GeekFest Dubai 3.14 (Geek to the power of Pi) will take place on the 25th February 2010 at The Shelter in Al Quoz. You can do the Facebook thing, follow @GeekFestDubai on Twitter or just pop back here nearer the date for more information. The second GeekFest Beirut takes place on the 30th April 2010 (follow @GeekFestBeirut for info - website is www.geekfestbeirut.com) - and watch this space for news on GeekFest Amman, which is likely to happen sometime in March!!

Etisalat's Emails - Phish off!

You can only imagine the joy deep in my  black heart this morning when I received an email from the telco that everyone who's not a Du subscriber loves to hate, Etisalat, snappily titled "Security Alert - Beware of Email Fraud Disguised as Official Emails".

We've all got these stupid mails from Weisatwit before. I've blogged about 'em before too. Surely they must have learned by now from the online howls of derision that accompany these well-intended but knuckle-headed emails. Apparently not.

The email, immortally, once again contains the words: "Etisalat will never email links, or call you, asking for such information." as well as, of course, a number of links to online forms asking for your name, email address and telephone number ('personal information'). The site itself also requests a user name and password as a log-on.

Of course, we could all rest assured that the user base has already been educated about computer security by the pathetic radio ads being run by UAENic, which purport to be raising 'public awareness', in which a voiceover artist doing a bad fake of an Emirati with a cold trying to English tells us 'I am Salim. Don't download undrusded zoftwares widge good arm your gombuter.' I initially thought this would at least be one of a series ('Don't run wiz zizszors in ze ovice'; 'Don't drawl born sites wizout bobub bloggers') but sadly, no. It's just the one repeated piece of useless advice that is of no utility whatsoever to anyone with enough intelligence to successfully switch a computer on. And who the hell is Salim anyway and why do we want to know?

You have to wonder about the security standards being applied to public networks and resources here when the standard of communication regarding security is so utterly woeful.

Strange Searches

Image via Wikipedia

I like to take an occasional look at how people get here to this dusty little corner of the Internet – the results are almost always rewarding in some strange way. There are a number of perennial favourites - I still ‘own’ the immortal nmkl pjkl ftmch and this picture of a plastic chicken is still highly popular – as well as some new delights. And people searching for words like mafsoum, akid and mafi still land here, which is a giggle!



Souks
Keeping this blog going for years has finally paid off. If you Google souks, this moany little collection of near-daily offcuts is number seven search result in the world out of something a little over 400,000 results. Tada! I am now a recognised and leading authority on souks! I shall have a sheriff badge made.

Cow Aorta
If you’re looking for cow aortas, believe it or not, this is the world's number one place to find them thanks to the RTA’s slightly strange looking sustainability campaign trophy thingy.After that, you get about 98,000 scientific journals and things talking about real cow aortas.

Klazart Authonomy
It is amazing to me that anyone’s still interested in this! Gamer Vineet Balla, AKA Klazart, ‘gamed’ the Harper Collins authonomy website in early 2009 by inviting a horde of gamer buddies to vote his book to the top. This resulted in a great deal of authorial brouhaha at the time, but oddly someone, somewhere, is still interested in the incident. Someone also found this here fusty wee blog by searching ‘how to move to rank 1 on authonomy’. I wouldn’t bother, mate.


Someone else also found da blog by Googling 'Eva Bartholdy' which pulled me up short - she's  a character from my first book, spoof international thriller Space (which, incidentally, made it to the authonomy editor's desk and was part of the proof that the editor's desk thingy wasn't really worth it in the first place).

Womin fack animal
Somewhere in the world, a drooling pervert with acute dyslexia got this instead of what he was looking for. And I am glad.

fake indian driving license in Australia
Don't ask me. It lands on this.  I get a lot of fakes - fake cheque books, fake plastic coconuts, fake driving tests, fake numerologists, fake plastic tokens, fake soybean plants, fake windscreen cracks, fake Hiltis and fake camels. Fake camels really does boggle the mind...

people you know and trust are somewhat fake?
Part of the Great Fake Series, this one had a slightly sad and betrayed air to it. Luckily it lands on advice from me of no value whatsoever.


us food is crap
Number three search result in all the multiverse! I'm quite proud of that.  I'm equally proud that hundreds (if not thousands by now) have searched for the ingredients of, or directly for, Pringles and Aquafina - and got to my posts outlining quite how both of these mildly egregious products are manufactured.

Sexy Tweets
Okay, I wrote a post about how to Tweet Sexy.  I wonder if the Googler in question got what he/she really wanted?


nimble 80286
If you persist to the second page of search results you get this, but why anybody would want to search for a diet bread and a processor beats me.

Phillipa Fioretti
Through no fault of her own, people are starting to search for my writer friend Pip and landing here. This won't last as she is soon to be playing in much more stellar company - her first novel, The Book of Love, goes on sale in Australia on April 1 and, of course, I am hoping that it is going to sell like billy-o, thereby relegating her fleeting involvement in this shameful little blog to the millionth page of search results after all those glowing reviews by otherwise hard-bitten critics.

eeste
God alone knows what it is and in which esoteric language, but searching for 'eeste' gets you this post on ve middul eeste pee aar awordes, the title inspired of course by one Nigel Molesworth. Maybe it's the brilliant new name for Vegemite after they dumped iSnack 2.0...

To all of you who have been deceived into coming here because of the strangeness of SEO, I am sorry but there is nothing of much use to anyone here. To those of you that keep coming by for some mad reason of your own, thank you for your visit. Don't forget to wash the handbasin on your way out for the convenience of other guests.

Lobby Lounge Rant

Image via Wikipedia

So I'm in the hotel lobby lounge having a meeting. As usual, I am accompanied (as is increasingly the case) by my notebook and I need Internet access. As usual, access is blocked until I pay the hotel for a password and go through a browser based validation. It's Dhs30 an hour (or a tad over $8). Most hotels sell guests 24 hours for Dhs 100 ($27), but at this rate 8 hours' access alone would cost Dhs 240 ($66). Let us not forget that the Japanese pay $0.27 per megabit per month.

As usual, the lobby lounge waiter tells me that the cards are sold by the business centre. I have taken to pointing out to lobby lounge waiters (or meeting room assistants or rooftop bar cocktail waiters) that I am not sitting in the business centre - I am in the lobby lounge where wireless is provided and therefore it would seem to make some sort of sense that the lobby lounge staff would be able to fulfil a request for that service just as they would a cup of tea or an indifferent club sandwich. It's not a business service any more, people - it's critical to most businesspeople.

I know, I know - I'm just being grumpy. But Internet access is not only important to many of us these days, it is increasingly something we will use on our mobiles as well as our notebook computers. It is increasingly as unthinkable for a service provider such as a hotel to charge for Internet access as it would be to charge for water or light - not only in the rooms but in the public spaces where meetings are constantly taking place between increasingly connected people.

If I can't have free Internet access in the lobby, then at least consider getting me online for a reasonable cost and without forcing a pointless rigmarole involving the business centre and the many permutations of cash payments, seperate invoices and stumbling waiters that invariably accompany the (frustrated) expectation of someone living in the Internet age...

Al Khaleej Strikes Again

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Journalist Anwar Abdelkhaliq, writing in today's Arabic daily Al Khaleej, attempts to once again set the bar even higher with an exclusive scoop interview with the Dubai Shopping Festival. Having previously nailed scoops with Dubai Summer Surprises mascot Modhesh Al Modhesh and the Burj Khalifa, Al Khaleej has certainly cornered the market in celebrity interviews and Anwar today does a sterling job of following in that fine tradition.

The journalist is minding his own business when the phone call comes on his mobile. Wows! It’s the Dubai Shopping Festival on the line! The Festival arranges to meet the journalist on Seef Street at 5pm. The journalist’s daughter wants to come to the interview because her mommy told her about the Festival. The journalist calls the Festival to let it know his daughter will be coming. The area was like a wedding, with people from all nationalities having fun. He looked around to find his Festival friend, describing the music and people, the perfume market antiques market and so on at great length.

The journalist is puzzled. Despite all this fun and laughter, he can’t seem to find his friend the Festival. He puts in a call: “Where are you?”

“I’m next to you!” says the Festival, who obviously has a tremendous and rather coquettish sense of humour. “Follow me to Riqqa Street where I am now – there are thousands of people here who won’t let me leave.”

The journalist is excited at his scoop, the first time in 15 years that the Dubai Shopping Festival has agreed to speak. Along with his daughter he rushes to Riqqa Street. “What’s this?” asks his daughter.

“This is the joy that the Festival brings!” says dad.

“Now I know what mummy meant! But don’t say that your friend didn’t show up! He’s all around us in the fun and joy we see!”

Undaunted, the journalist calls the Festival again in pursuit of his scoop – the first talking Festival interview. “I won’t disappoint you!” says the Festival. “Meet me in Global Village. First you have to go to Jumeirah Beach Walk where my heritage is displayed – your daughter will love it!”

“Don’t worry my daughter! We shall meet the Shopping Festival in Global Village!” says the excited journalist.

The journalist finally meets the Dubai Shopping Festival at Global Village. “Are you ready for the interview?” gushes the journalist.

“Completely!” affirms the Festival.

“Why this place?” asks the journalist.

“Because this is where the Arabs unite – I’m very concerned with Arab Union,” says the Festival. “On this land is where the Iraqi people became one!”

The Iraqis are divided by policy, apparently, but united by Dubai – as are the Lebanese and Syrians in this great mixture of peoples – “This, my friend, is why I came into existence!” says the Festival, using litotes to great effect.

“I owe my 15 years of success to Dubai and its wise leadership and people who allowed me to become such a great event. It is because of Dubai that I am the number one shopping festival in the Middle East. People from all over the world come to watch my annual celebrations awaited by everyone thanks to Dubai.”

Unbowed from following his hard-nosed journalistic instincts, our man yielding the pen that is mighter than the sword throws in a curve ball. “They say you are just an occasion for buying and selling stuff.”

“This is the wrong way to look at things!” Thunders the Festival. “Sure, there are opportunities to shop but I am a greater expression of joy than this, with events every year! I came to tell the world that this Emirate is a land of love and peace and to tell the world that our winning trade is the basis for peace in the world!”

“Where is your daughter?” asks the Festival, demonstrating a surprising ability to make sudden and oblique changes in conversational direction.

“She’s over there playing with a group of friends.”

“Don’t worry, she’s safe – the Al Ameen service provided by Dubai Police for parents’ protection ensures peace of mind!”

The journalist is dedicated, obviously, to putting the hardest questions to the Festival and smacks it round the head with the immortal: “So what do you think of the launch of the Metro and the Burj Khalifa?”

“I see them as the best response to people addicted to rumours. Projects and achievements keep happening – they don’t stop and won’t stop. Days will pass by and I will celebrate my 100th birthday with Dubai’s head high and embracing the sky just as its tallest tower embraces the clouds,” says the feisty Festival.

“Who do you blame for this?”

“To the old people at the wedding who do nothing but talk when our motto is ‘do nothing but work’, I say come to Dubai to see the malls and parks – talk to the people who say that Dubai is in the heart and mind together.”

“Is this why you have talked this year?”

“I was provoked by these people who are blind. Dubai will remain great in spite of them.”

The journalist gathers his papers, delighted at his scoop. And we must share in his delight as we benefit from the wise words of the world's only talking Shopping Festival. That award for great journalism during Dubai Shopping Festival is surely in Al Khaleej's bag now!

Next week: we interview Jebel Ali Free Zone...

Health Warning: This article is an extract from the original Arabic rather than a verbatim translation. For the full effect go to Arabic lessons or get a colleague as talented as Marwa Yehyia to translate it for you so that you can dash down the better bits whilst trying to maintain your composure enough to type.

Crédit Agricole - Green Washing

Sean Connery via last.fm

I have to admit to finding the Sean Connery-voiced Crédit Agricole TV advertisements mildly annoying. The theme is consistent - scenes of awful doomsday industrialisation are played over Sean baby's trademark Shcottish vocal - in fact, he's hamming it up so much that he sounds like a cheap voice-over artist trying to sound like Sean Connery - and then suddenly, with the exhortation that it's 'time for green banking', we're shown 3D animations of some mad bastard's nightmare 'green world' where people are made badly out of polygons and all surfaces are rendered using 1980s graphics technology.

I've been meaning to take a look at the company's website for a while now and find out quite what 'green banking' is. And now I know. It's rubbish.

Crédit Agricole does nothing that any other major corporate wouldn't do. It's got a diversity program. It's carbon offset. And it finances wind farms. That's about it - and pretty much any large financial or other corporate today would be in a position to make similar claims. In fact, Crédit Agricole's own 'green banking' website lays claim to 'green banking' as an 'alternative way to conduct banking business' on the following three pillars:

Its origins. Crédit Agricole was founded by the merger of local banks dedicated to providing finance to farmers. Seriously - this is CA's primary claim to being a greener bank than others. The idea that French farmers are green is mildly interesting given that they're lobbying for the introduction of GMOs and are more agri-industrial than they are cutesy organic homesteads.

Its organisation and culture. There is no reason given on the website why Crédit Agricol's organisation and culture are in any way 'greener' than anyone else's. In fact, there is no reason given whatsoever for any green credentials to be attributed to the bank's organisation and culture. This would likely be because Crédit Agricole's organisation and culture aren't really 'green' in any meaningful way.

Its identity. And here, ladies and gentlemen, is the payoff. Crédit Agricole is green because its identity is green. We're green because we say so is the message behind all of those millions and millions of dollars in international advertising.

Behind Sean Connery's trademark lishp is that one marvellous message. If you've got enough money, you can just repeat unsustainable assertions at your compliant audience and they will eventually come to accept your liesh.

Jusht shay it will be sho and it will be sho...

When Silence Ain't Golden

Image by keira-anne ♥ via Flickr

Well, I was having a nice quiet start to the day when I got a call from La Swann wanting to talk on air about the Burj Khalifa elevator incident and how the communications aspect had played out.

Crisis management takes many shapes and forms, but generally is called for when something happens that is deeply regrettable in some way. Managing a crisis these days is about getting as much dependable information out as you can - fast. By being communicative, you earn the right to get your story out in full - to mitigate the hard facts with some explanations.

I've seen my fair share of these, from explosions and deaths through to recalled products and political screw-ups. Everyone's first reaction is to stick their fingers in their ears and shout lalala until all the nasty people go away. When you've endangered lives, when you've attracted the attention of the world's media, sadly, that's simply not an option - and no professional PR practitioner would consider it as an option for one picosecond.

So what do you do?

In minor and/or simple issues, you'd tend to be 'reactive' - you'd answer questions when they're asked, typically with a prepared statement. Where you've got a major problem on your hands (any issue involving danger to human life being a Great Big Red Flag), you get out there and communicate.

Typically, you'd want to say what happened, how and why it happened, what you've done to ameliorate the effects and how you're working to ensure it won't happen again. Critically, if there has been danger to the public, you have the opportunity to express regret and concern for those affected - and what you're doing to help them deal with the consequences.

Trying to get by with issuing a statement that does not recognise the facts is a short term fix that will rarely, if ever, work - particularly these days when everyone with a mobile is a TV crew. Rather than getting one hard hit with your side of the story told alongside the unpleasant facts, you're begging for a drip feed of stories that are wholly negative.

If you preserve your silence while that negative coverage is breaking, you are effectively positioned as arrogant and uncaring. News expands to fill a vacuum, so your silence encourages investigative reporting which will tend to be negatively skewed precisely because your silence ensures that your side of the story is not being told.

Because today's world is a fast-moving little place, news can globalise in minutes flat. That means having a sound crisis communications plan in place. This starts with imagining the unimaginable, planning for the very worst (including the unthinkable. It's funny how often the unthinkable happens) and then answering the million dollar question - how would we react if this happened?

There are a lot more questions to answer, too. Questions like who do we care about? What are our policies and procedures? Who owns this problem?

You actually need to put procedures in place, define reporting and escalation paths and have a team assigned for the unthinkable. You need to have 'dark sites' in place - websites that can be cut in to replace your standard home page so that relatives, friends and other concerned people can get access to information. You need to be able to scale quickly to respond to requests from media - local at first, but very quickly global. You need to have statements in place, at least in draft, so that you can minimise the time you spend wondering what on earth to say. Where appropriate, you need to have advice lines up fast and other facilities to help people deal with the incident and the concerns it raises with them.

For me, the most valuable part of this whole extensive (and, yes, expensive) exercise is forcing organisations to actually think about the unthinkable - and how it could be avoidable. If more organisations went through this structured process, I believe that more of the unthinkable could be avoided. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get people to take this whole process seriously, by the way. Until, of course, they get that phone call...

Official. I Sympathise With Gulf News

Image via Wikipedia

In reporting the recent 'incident' at Dubai's Burj Khalifa today, Gulf News appears to have gone as far as it felt it could. In the face of unhelpful and possibly even mendacious statements made on behalf of the tower's developer and management company, Emaar, the newspaper has managed to collate a number of eyewitness reports of something having taken place that went way beyond the 'routine maintenance' that we are being expected to believe has closed the observation deck on the tower.

The official statement, quoted by Gulf News is: "Due to unexpected high traffic, the observation deck experience at the Burj Khalifa, At the Top, has been temporarily closed for maintenance and upgrade. Technical issues with the power supply are being worked on by the main and sub-contractors and the public will be informed upon completion."

Gulf News reports eyewitnesses as hearing a 'really loud noise and what looked like smoke or dust coming out from one of the elevator doors' and paramedics being called to the scene. That's hardly the stuff of 'maintenance and upgrade' is it?

Once again, I suspect we are about to see an attempt at obfuscation result in widespread media coverage - the eyewitness reports are stacking up and now social media interest is also perking up quite nicely. GN's story was enough to raise some very real question marks - and now people are going to start looking for answers. They're not going to have to look very far, either.